NL West – Page 100 – Bardball

Ode to Scott Podsednik

by James Finn Garner

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Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?

Cut by the Rockies because you’re too old–
Your step getting heavy, your bat growing cold–
The Pale Hose invite you back into the fold
And you climb your way back like the grinder of old.
Fans love a player still hungry and bold
Who refuses to note for whom the bell’s tolled.
In the hot summer night, the scoreboard explodes
As you dig hard to mine one more season of gold.

Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?

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Posted 8/6/2009

Name Recognition

by Rube Goldberg

But here the son broke in and said,
“These guys are new to me.
I never heard of Taft or Hughes
Or Bryan, honestly.
I never saw those queer old names
When looking through the score,
I’d understand you better, Pa,
If you mentioned John McGraw.”

Taken from Crazy ’08 by Cait Murphy.

Published 7/27/09

Instant Replay Creates Perfect World

By James Finn Garner

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Now that cameras can detect and correct
Our errors and human frailty,
I call for a replay of

Fidrych talking to the ball,
Reggie hitting in October,
Bob Gibson staring,
Koufax stretching,
Veeck laughing,

DiMaggio’s war years,
And Hank Greenberg’s,

And 1994, which could have saved the Expos,
And spared us the Nationals,

And Cap Anson shutting his damned mouth
And Buck O’Neil playing for the Cubs,
Satchel Paige for the A’s,
And Cool Papa Bell for the Cardinals.

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Posted 5/14/09

Manny Ramirez: When News Isn’t News

by James Finn Garner

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Erstwhile Dodger savior Manny:
Did we doubt it’d come out like this?
If a story leaked you were a tranny,
The world would maybe feel amiss.

Our revulsion might yet arise
If cameras caught you fondling grannies,
But frankly it’s no big surprise
That juicing’s Manny being Manny.

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Posted 5/11/09

Remembering Piazza

by Lew Brickhate
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I went down to CHAVEZ RAVINE
With sandpaper and VASELINE.

You see, my goal that NIGHT
Was to strike out Magic MIKE,

Catcher for the Dodger BLUE,
Part of the LaSorda CREW.

He granted me my one big WISH,
Which was to throw a major league PITCH,

But he hit it all NIGHT,
He hit it all NIGHT,
Off the walls, off the LIGHTS,

Fastball, spitball, knuckleball, CURVE,
Seems I got what I DESERVE.

He cracked a line drive back up the MIDDLE,
Solving for me my greatest RIDDLE:

Was I cut out for major league BALL,
Or just to sing about it at some MALL?

The question was all too CLEAR.
I am still glad I have my PAIR,

‘Cause he hit it all NIGHT,
He hit it all NIGHT…..

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Posted 5/5/09