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Ode to My Favorite Relief Pitcher

by Thelma Parker

Tom Martin can really throw the ball,
And I think, but I’m not sure, that Tom is kind of tall.
If Tom Martin ever goes, I will cry.
That day will make me want to die,
I will not lie.

Tom Martin is like the sun
And I am the earth,
Revolving around him.

Tom Martin is the earth,
And I am the moon,
Mooning over him.

There is no pitcher ever as good as he.
He is in all of my fantasies.
I think that Tom should never get a day off,
It’s the only way the Rockies will ever make the playoffs.

Posted 7/31/07 

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Two from Millie Bovich

 Statistics required perusal
And then came a full-fledged accusal.

Some numbers do lie
Take a look at the guy,

They’ve proven a B. Bonds bamboozle!

Barry Bonds! He’s the muscle-bound Giant
With the rules, he is just non-compliant.

He comes extra large size
Check his biceps and thighs,

And his manner is somewhat defiant!

Posted 7/30/07 

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Barry Bonds Limerick #16

by NaryBarry

Barry Bonds is a fearsome home run hitter
Who sends all his fans into quite a twitter.

His manhood has not shrunk
From that steroid junk–

Maybe the judge will be an acquiter.

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Barry Bonds #15

by Phil Lacovara

The melonhead, he was a Giant,
About steroids, he didn’t mind lyin’,

With the Cream and the Clear,
Into pitchers he struck fear,

‘Til into BALCO, the law started pryin’.

7/23/07 

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Three From Millie Bovich

They call him the masculine tower
He can hit a home run with such power,
            From San Fran’s west coast     
            And so quick with the boast 

“I can do it again in an hour”!
 

Every fan now has reason to ponder
Every long ball that’s hit way out yonder,
            Is the batter legit     
            Or a crass hypocrite 

And a good-name-of-baseball absconder?
 

From the city of quaint San Francisco
And a blast from his muscular wrist, oh.
            Plus a shot in his thigh
            You should see the ball fly, 

To the town of San Luis Obispo