by Tom Shea
O, his blood is clean as a geranium!
Here’s how Barry Bonds fills every stadium:
Weight work in the off-season
‘S the sole, simple reason
For his huge, massive, 90-pound cranium.
Barry Bonds #13
by James Finn Garner
Now, everyone knows it’s legit
When Barry Bonds strokes out a hit.
It ain’t no shot in the rear
With the cream or the clear.
It’ s…genes and….hard work and…like, that shit.
Barry Bonds #11
by Jim Powers
Though Bonds swings a bat with great speed,
He calls juice accusations hackneyed.
“What fun is to hit?
I don’t give a shit–
I like sliding on slick shoulders acne’d.”
Barry Bonds #10
by Doug White
Barry Bonds wanted so badly
To be just a little more manly
And hit the ball higher
Than Mark fucking McGwire–
Now no one remembers him fondly.
Barry Bonds #9
by Lou Carlozo
There once was a hitter named Barry
Who mouthed off at each Tom, Dick and Harry.
No one could explain
Til the steroids made plain
That his brain synapse “bonds” had gone hairy.