by Stu Shea
Throw a Penny at a team,
And count the strikeouts.
Throw a Penny on the hill,
And watch the psych-out.
Other teams with payrolls high
Cannot hit this Dodgers guy
Sometimes talent stands alone!
This penny beats a million bones.
Bonds of Irony
by Stu Shea
Whitey Ford and Willie Mays,
Lew Burdette and Elroy Face,
Bunning, Stargell, Wynn, and Rose,
Gaylord Perry, goodness knows!
Famous players, heroes all,
Most of them are in the Hall.
Where’s the “throw the bums out” call
Since they used speed, or scuffed the ball?
***
When Barry Bonds breaks Aaron’s mark,
Skeletons will fill the park.
Bud will lie to us again
About how much he knew, and when.
Fans will throw their hands up high
And try to find a reason why
They ought to go to baseball games
And see stars besmirch their own names.
Barry Bonds #2
by James Finn Garner
A colossal slugger named Barry
Had an outlook cheerful and merry,
Til you ask if his muscles
Come from workout room hustle,
Then he’ll threaten to rip your arms off and shove them up your ass because you’re always picking on him.
Barry Bonds #1
by James Finn Garner
Barry Bonds put himself to the test,
To beat Babe Ruth’s tally his quest.
To be home run king,
He would try anything.
So what if he grew some huge breasts?