Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
10/7/23
Dodgers 2 D’backs 11
That was no Outman
Kersh yields six runs in one-third
Of an inning. Shock
10/9/23
D’backs 4 Dodgers 2
Another short start
And quiet Dodgers offense
Spells doom. O and 2
10/11/23
Dodgers 2 D’Backs 4
Lance Lynn’s house special
Homeruns. Served it up four times
Dodgers stunned by Snakes
With apologies to Percy Shelley
Reprinted from October 11, 2019.
I met a traveler in La-La Land,
Who said, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the Ravine . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half a ton of Gator-Ade cups lie,
And blue playoff towels now still,
And B-list actors hoping to flog their dreck
To Smoltz and the odious Buck,
And a mangled manager in a heap;
And on a whiteboard, these words appear:
‘My name is Kershawmandias, Ace of Aces;
Look on my season only, dammit, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the meltdown
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level field stretches far away.”
For the story behind this photo, visit Atlas Obscura.
I was waiting at the bar for a playoff date
And looked at my watch. It’s getting late.
Then I heard the emphatic bartender,
With his fist pump, mask, and chest protector,
Announce to the lingering, glassy patrons:
“It’s last call. Closing time,” he intones
As he wipes the bar, satisfied with himself,
And begins putting teams on the postseason shelf —
Brands like Atlanta, Los Angeles, Baltimore, Tampa
(and just maybe Seattle, Chicago, or Philadelphia) —
And as he does, he continues to drone:
“It’s hotel-motel time if you can’t go home,
But right now, you can’t stay here —
And hey, better luck when we open next year.”
Pictured is Baseball Bill Holdforth, bartender and rabid DC baseball fan. For the story of how he worked to keep owner Bob Short out of the US Senate, check out this story from washingtonbaseballhistory.com.
Highest stakes,
Sleepy mistakes,
Fan heartaches.
Dave Kingman would give it his all
Each powerful swing at the ball
But, missing, he’d spin
And, to his chagrin
Would teeter off balance and fall.
Illustration by Jim Siergey