Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
He arrived to throes
of joyous anticipation.
Say it ain’t Sho…
He went on to meet
About ev’ry expectation.
Just say no, Sho…
Discussed everywhere:
an awful new revelation.
Say it ain’t Sho…
The baseball world torn,
with the Cooperstown bronze dulling.
Say it ain’t Sho…
He pitches! Hits! Bets?
Despite first throes, the bloom is off
… Ohtani’s Rose.
I see you guys in the video room,
just looking at your swings,
reading all these stats.
At some point, you have to just say,
“F— all that s—”
and just go out there and hit.
All I hear is y’all talking about
launch angle
and tendences
and exit velocity.
F—ing exit velocity!?
Motherf—ing exit velocity?!
How about motherf—ing exit hits?!
Say it ain’t so, Sho.
A Rose by any other
Name would bet as foul
Five-run first inning
Yamamoto yanked from game
inauspicious start
Blake Snell
Still pitches quite well
But for that to sell,
You’d have to tell
GMs half-truths to quell
Their fear of wild spells
And early-game bombshells
Which the Cy Young didn’t dispel.
Now he’s in SF,
A place accustomed AF
To an up-and-down staff.
Let’s hope Melvin is deft
or it will be “exit, stage left.”
