Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
With Mark Reynolds gone,
It won’t be quite as windy
this year at Chase Field
COLORADO ROCKIES
Clutch Car-Go signed,
Willy Taveras signed too–
One step up, one back.
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
An oblique signing,
Middling veteran Jon Garland–
Now an oblique strain.
SAN DIEGO PADRES
It is much tougher
To sneak up on somebody
When they know you’re there.
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
As full as lush peonies,
Hosting every bee and fly–
Brian Wilson’s beard.
Orange and Black
They never slack
Did you see Renteria bat?
His back deserves a pat
Lincecum pitched well
It made me feel swell
Posey hit far
He made the World Series look like a war
Wilson finished up the game
In the next one, hope he does the same
Four to one the Rangers lost
I wonder how much the trophy costs
All in all
I love Baseball!
Last month, the third- and fourth-graders at Commodore Sloat Elementary School in San Francisco wrote some poems to honor their hometown heroes, now world champions. Here are a few of them, as reported at SFGate.com:
It’s a Splash Hit
It’s Barry Zito hitting
home runs to the crowd.
Next up—Freddy Sanchez!
Crowd goes wild. Freddy hits the ball high flying
up, up, up—it’s out of the park.
It’s a splash hit!
Home Team’s the winner.
-Alden Cheang, 4th grade
Orange Baseball Caps
It’s a hard baseball of
calm robins dancing.
It’s sweet sugary lemonade.
It’s an excited catcher,
Buster Posey, throwing
apples, stars, and
orange baseball caps.
-Jun Chan, 3rd grade
I Am the Father of Huff’s Splash Hits
I am the father of Aubrey Huff’s splash hits.
I am the grandpa of Cody Ross’ RBI’s in game 5 of the NLCS.
I am the great grandpa of Andres Torres’ steals and doubles.
I am the great great grandpa of the Freak’s changeup.
I am the black, gold, and white home runs
of Buster Posey, Will Clark, Barry Bonds,
Willie Mays, and Juan Uribe.
All I know is I have
the best team in the world
because of Brian Wilson
getting to work at twilight
at Pacific Bell Park.
(Everyone
goes crazy when
he saves the game.)
-Sameer Mustafa, 4th grade
There They Go!
There they go up into
the sky—the orange and black
balls shoot up all over
the stars.
And there they go! Home
run! Crowd bursts into action.
I wish I were the steel bat
as it hits a home run.
There he goes—fast as lightning
and it’s a miracle he catches the ball.
There they go—howling, yelling,
roaring, too. That’s the crowd for you.
-Madison Chang, 4th grade
Flying Balls and Fans’ Calls
Flying balls and fans’ calls
and lots and lots of gulls
flying all over town
forming a giant crown
around San Francisco
creating a giant disco.
People dancing and
fans prancing’ trying
to get the ball—just
can’t get their fingers on it
because it’s too small
1st, 2nd, 3rd, home run!
The Giants beat them all,
nothing in the way,
the World Series just
two days away!
First Rays, then Braves,
Yippee! We beat them all!
There’s nothing better than
playing ball!
-Sawyer Dobson, 4th grade
New Planets
It’s a silver bat hitting a blue baseball
in the night sky while wolves awake
in hidden caves near the calm
Pacific Ocean filled with creatures
looking at the night sky
and the icy Milky Way
while scientists
seek new planets.
-Daniel Doan, 3rd grade
Everybody sing a song
to celebrate the rally thong!
From Castro to the Tenderloin
A winning feeling in the groin!
Spangly rhinestones front and rear
Cup everything Gints fans hold dear.
Red silk fabric will raise no rash
When legging out an outfield smash
And blocks out the winter chill
In the field and on the hill.
From style maven Aubrey Huff
It’s better than going in the buff.
To get em stoked, no better way
In lovely “Babylon by the Bay.”
But in Dallas, brother, have a care.
Only strippers wear ’em there.
They’ll jail your ass, without quarrel,
for corrupting public morals.
Play it safe, don’t be too hasty,
Better pack your rally pasties.
Sitting in the afternoon sun
He’ll be sitting when the 9th inning come
Watching the runs come in
And then he’ll watch Uribe run ’round again, yeah
Freddy’s sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Watch the ball fly over first toward Vlady
Ooh, Huff’s just sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Wastin’ time
Buster left his home in Georgia
Headed for the ‘Frisco bay
‘Cause he has a lot to live for
And looks like nothing’s gonna get in his way
So he’s also sittin’ on a fastball from Lee
Watching the ball fly to the power alley
Ooh, Burrell’s standing on deck in AT&T
Not wastin’ time
Looks like something’s gonna change
Not everything remains the same
Fans can cheer what nine players plus Brian do
So I guess they’ll keep up the cheering, yes.
Sittin’ there resting their bones
But with all those friends nobody’s alone
Forty thousand fans are honed
and will make this Park their home.
Now they’re all sitting by the dock of the bay
watching the season roll away
Ooh, with Otis sitting on the dock of the bay
Not wastin’ time.