Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Mike Moustakas
Shakes air-maracas
When he sets his phone to play
“Not Fade Away.”
Anthony Rendon
Is bad to the bone
A little George Thoroughgood
Puts him in a killer mood.
George Springer
Is adroit with dingers
And often later
Brings more taters.
Hunter Pence
Is still intense
But has learned to be discrete
In the Texas heat.
Shane Greene
Will be the only Tiger seen
In Cleveland, or the World Series,
Unless a team in contention with money gets serious.
If Jacob DeGrom
Needs a nom
De plume when he writes a ponderous tome,
He should anagram his own to “Brad Jogcome.”
Ronald Acuña
Junior
Is already half-a-clerihew written
Unbidden.
Carlos Santana
Thinks it’s bananas
There’s a guy in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame
With his same name.
Pete Alonso
In the HR Derby goes gonzo
But he’d never stoop to flay
A beat reporter from Newsday.
Yusmani Grandal
Thinks the Rock N Roll Hall
Of Fame lacks any substance,
But he still wants to see George Clinton’s “Atomic Dog” pants.
Tommy LaStella
Is just a reg’lar fella
Who’d gladly have a beer and a bump
In any Ohio low-rent dump.
Mookie Betts
Likes to bring his pets–
Some anoles and a cane toad–
With him on the road.
Adbert Alzolay
Not an easy name to say
Thank heaven our play-by-play
Is by Pat Hughes, not Harry Caray.
Tyler Chatwood
Doesn’t bat good
But it’s a funny kind of magic spell
That he helps others bat so well.
Cole Hamels
Likes the camels
At the Brookfield Zoo
‘Cuz they spit just like his teammates do.
Yu Darvish
Looking cool and stylish
Now that he’s learned again to pitch–
One year late, and that’s a bitch.
Craig Kimbrel
Will gyre and gimble
In the wabe, bearing a sword to slay the Jabberwocky
Of Milwaukee.
Harmon Killebrew
thought that he’d eschew
the art of the sacrifice bunt.
He’s a touchdown guy, so why punt?