Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Corey Kluber
Ain’t such a goober
As to respond to missives
From Nigerian princes.
Ross Stripling
Loves his Rudyard Kipling.
After arguing with umpires,
He enjoys stories of empire.
Alex Bregman
Claims he is the Eggman,
But we all know Elvis Andrus
Is the Walroos.
Mookie Betts
Is as good as it gets
At patiently giving curves a look-see,
and also at being named Mookie.
Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.
Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.
Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.
Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.
Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.
Michael Conforto
Wrote a sad concerto
About what it really means
To play in Queens.
Corey Knebel
Cleared the table
Once in Bay View playing pool,
Which is the Wisconsin definition of cool.
DJ LaMahieu
Has bid adieu
To old self-centered habits
To start a shelter for homeless rabbits.
Justin Smoak
Almost went broke
With an investment scheme
For anti-strike-out cream.
Aaron Judge
Wants to leave a ball-shaped smudge
On the bleacher seats
Of every ballpark he meets.
Jose Altuve
Is feeling real groovy
Slulrping down shaved ice
And driving around like “Miami Vice”.
Chris Sale
Drinks a pail
Of prune juice before each start–
That face is him holding in every fart.
Zack Cozart
Isn’t much for art.
He thinks that big thing by Red Grooms
Indicates use of ‘shrooms.
Tito Francona
Is a bona
Fide baseball Einstein.
We hope real soon he’ll be feeling fine.
Alex Wood
Pitches so good
He can play in-
Stead of the injured Clayton.
Jonathan Schoop
Is no dope–
For Miami, bought sunscreen
And some Word Search magazines.
Miguel Sano
Bit into a poblano
And let out a roar
Due to a cold sore.