Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
40 games so far this season,
And four no-hitters–so far.
Pundits and knowalls project
At least 12, maybe 16, in the end.
This is uncharted territory–or is it,
Given the “new age” we’re living in–
Where it’s either long ball or strikeout,
And very little between the lines.
Fathers playing catch with sons? Sure
But what about mothers playing catch with sons?
Or anybody playing catch with daughters?
Obviously, somebody played catch with us
or we wouldn’t have become ballplayers
And where well over a hundred fathers
have had sons who also became major-league ballplayers,
I am the only mother who had a son
who also became a major-league ballplayer
And since, as of today, there is no league
where women can play baseball,
I will, sadly, have that distinction
for the foreseeable future
No team this season
Is, for some reason,
Over .600 after 30 games
What is the motivation–
And much consternation–
For this MLB stat?
Is it filthy pitching,
Or awful hitting,
Or a combination of both?
I was a pretty good pitcher in the minors,
even in the Federal League’s year
as an independent minor league
I appeared in three games
in the Federal League’s first year as a major league
and struggled some there
Why am I here? you might be asking
Because I’m one of those statistical anomalies
that baseball fans love:
out of the tens of thousands who’ve played major-league ball
I’m the only one whose birth certificate
gives his birthplace as
“At sea, on the Atlantic Ocean”
Inside the Mets’ locker room
Is a future Hall of Fame pitcher,
Probably the only one ever
With a losing record:
The great Jacob deGrom.
He wouldn’t do it –
If you knew him, not his style –
But someone should be advertising
Somewhere, anywhere,
For non-existent Mets’ run support.