Fantasy’s Baseball: Frank Frazetta

by Hilary Barta

He’d brutally batter his foes
And aim at their heads with his throws.
On top of the pile,
He’d savagely smile,
Then strike a familiar pose.

King of fantasy illustrators Frank Frazetta (1928-2010) was known for work on Conan the Barbarian and the covers of Molly Hatchet albums.  Most people don’t know he was also talented enough to attract attention as a baseball player. On the Frazetta Art Gallery web site, his baseball almost-career is discussed:

Through his teens, he continued drawing and painting, however he began to slack off due to his discovery of girls and baseball. In school he set several high school records, and eventually caught the attention of a scout for the New York Giants professional baseball team. Frank was offered a position on their farm squad with a good prospect of moving up to the major league within a season, but he turned them down. ” I was involved with a girl at the time,” Frazetta says a little sorrowfully. “And going down to Texas and sweating it out in the minors for a year didn’t seem very appealing. You have to remember that at that time athletes weren’t making the money they do today. They bussed you back and forth and it was just a big disgusting hassle. I remember that traveling to another state seemed like going to the end of the world, so I told them, maybe next year. Time went by and before I knew it I was too old. It was just my way of letting time make the decision for me. If I have any regrets it’s that I didn’t turn pro. If I was in my twenties and had it to do over – today, at today’s salaries – you better bet I’d do it.”

Posted 9/19/10

Portland Beavers, RIP, 1903-2010

by James Finn Garner

So Portland says “Bye” to its Beavers.
Among diamond fans there are grievers.
Their park’s money stream
Brought a new soccer team
And a melon bounced by dusky divas.

The Mark McGwire Limericks of Shame

by James Finn Garner

So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it’s a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire.

“I’m not here to talk ’bout the past,”
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.

To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
Those homer-soaked years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.

To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.

Posted 8/29/10

Boo Hoo Lou

by Hilary Barta

So sad about “Sweet Lou” Piniella,
A stand-up and Hall of Fame fella.
The Cubs made him cry
While saying goodbye
By playing their way to the cella.

Hilary Barta is a lifelong Cubs fan, award-winning comic illustrator, and owner of the terrific site, LimerWrecks.