by Doug White
Barry Bonds wanted so badly
To be just a little more manly
And hit the ball higher
Than Mark fucking McGwire–
Now no one remembers him fondly.
Barry Bonds #9
by Lou Carlozo
There once was a hitter named Barry
Who mouthed off at each Tom, Dick and Harry.
No one could explain
Til the steroids made plain
That his brain synapse “bonds” had gone hairy.
Barry Bonds #7
by James Finn Garner and Stu Shea
Bud Selig won’t say if he’ll go
When Bonds has his really big show
And sets the new mark
For hits out of the park,
‘Cuz the commish ain’t a man to eat crow.
Barry Bonds #5
by John Shea
There once was a slugger most surly,
Whose build was suspiciously burly.
But when cut off last year
From his cream and his clear,
He hit like a miserable girly.
Barry Bonds #3
by Stu Shea
There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.
He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,
There’s little ’bout Barry to like.