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Barry Bonds #7

by James Finn Garner and Stu Shea

Bud Selig won’t say if he’ll go
When Bonds has his really big show

And sets the new mark
For hits out of the park,

‘Cuz the commish ain’t a man to eat crow.

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Barry Bonds #5

by John Shea

There once was a slugger most surly,
Whose build was suspiciously burly.

But when cut off last year
From his cream and his clear,

He hit like a miserable girly.

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Barry Bonds #3

by Stu Shea

There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.

He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,

There’s little ’bout Barry to like.

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Shut Up and Pitch Better

By Doug White

“It was a good pitch — at his shoestrings,” Snell said. “No excuses, but this ballpark’s a joke. That wouldn’t have gone out at PNC [Park].” (on Reds’ 4-0 victory over Pirates on 5/28/07, in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

 

There once was a pitcher named Snell

Who didn’t throw particularly well.

When he hung a curve too high,

David Ross let it fly,

Then the hurler gave the poor ballpark hell.

 

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Barry Bonds #2

by James Finn Garner

A colossal slugger named Barry
Had an outlook cheerful and merry,

Til you ask if his muscles
Come from workout room hustle,

Then he’ll threaten to rip your arms off and shove them up your ass because you’re always picking on him.