Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Poor Timmy! Zonked by a double whammy
When he chose to throw hands with Joe Rami.
First Jose’s right hook
Left him cold as a chinook
And on the way down he twisted both hammies!
(Not really, but admit it, Sox fans — you still felt compelled to double-check.)
Based on an incident witnessed on June 13, 2023, in a game between the Vancouver Canadians and the Hillsboro Hops.
I’m having a swell time, Pops,
Behind the plate for the Hillsboro Hops,
And speaking of swell,
I might rest a spell
After catching a foul tip in the knob.
It’s been a rough year for the Pods
Who were meant to be winning, by odds.
While weak has been Bogaerts,
And Machado’s been worse,
Soto’s tapped TatÃs in the grods.
Soto did Tatis dirty
(via @ilivedb1tch) pic.twitter.com/Pb0CuSlHba
— Jomboy Media (@JomboyMedia) July 8, 2023
It seemed at the dawn of the year
That our starters were something to fear.
Cole, Rodon, Nestor, Sevi —
Our staff was ace-heavy.
Now we wish we had back JP Sears.
Gerrit Cole is the team’s only ace.
Twenty wins? He is close to the pace.
But when he gets a bad call,
The next pitch clears the wall.
You can tell by the look on his face.
The deal for Rodon really sucks.
Often injured, he still got the bucks.
It made him quite rich.
Maybe one day he’ll pitch.
Our front office is run by a schmuck.
Like Tiant and Bartolo Colon,
No one knew what pitch Nestor was thow’n.
Hitters no longer have doubt.
Did they figure him out?
Or was his greatness overblown?
When not hurt, Luis can pitch great.
But often, it’s not worth the wait.
Something’s always off.
What’s next? Whooping cough?
At what point do we just cut bait?
They’re both number fives, this is true.
Forced to pitch like they were one or two.
Sure, we got a perfecto . . .
Also, lots of dreckto.
So, let’s see what Brito can do.
For Frankie we gave up a ton
To land our second number one.
But our hopes are gone, oh!
He’s another Pavano
Who throws off flat ground just for fun.
These lims first appeared on the indispensable Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is … caught.
I’m not veddy sure what will come
of the Cubs-Cards games in Albion.
It might be a “Pick to Click,” it
Might be a sticky wicket,
Or a hologram of a singing Queen Mum.
