by James Finn Garner
Schwarber smashed one a mile
And made even Phillie fans smile
With a visage like Sluggo
And the clout of a thug, oh,
There’s no one I cheer for like Kyle.
Choppy Seas
by James Finn Garner
The Mariners had the game in the can
Everything according to plan
Bring in Muñoz
And let Sewald close
But then came Hurricane Yordan.
This Year’s Collapse of the Century
by James Finn Garner
The Mighty Mets have been shut down
To the lamentations of Flushing Town
“Check Musgrove’s ears!”
They chanted through tears
While their sorrows in Genny they drowned.
And Raise Minimum Age of Pitchers to 30
by James Finn Garner
Nelson Arraez takes the batting crown
But at .316 it’s historically down
So let’s ban the shift
To give the numbers a lift
And a pitch clock so batters aren’t clowned.
The Days Grow Shorter
by James Finn Garner
So now we begin Season 2
Prepare for the Fox Sports retinue
With ignorant journos
And Taco Bell promos
We know summer’s pleasures are through.
