Posted on

What to Feel About Rick Ankiel?

by James Finn Garner

Need a sad story? Check out Rick Ankiel,
Whose August exploits made Redbird fans feel
Like jumping for joy. Years past, after Rick’s

Stint as a St Louis hurler had passed,
He traded the mound for some outfield grass.
He leaped and he ran, and when swinging his stick,

He rang up the runs like a pinball machine.
Now there’s suspicion he’s not playing clean.
His once-mighty bat is now a limp wick.

While there’s no proof yet Rick took hGH,
The mess helped derail the Cards’ pennant stretch,
And this feel-good story now makes you feel sick.

Posted 9/25/07

Posted on

Barry Bonds’ Last Chance

by Liam Garner (aged 12)

Barry L. Bonds was the home run best
‘Til someone showed up with a sweet little test
By the FDA, the steroid test latest
That proved that the reason he was the greatest
Was a drug dose that let him cream the gamers,
So the only way he will break in with the ‘Famers
Is if he sneaks in, breaks a door with his arms
And sneaks out with some loot under all the alarms.

Posted 9/19/07 

Posted on

Phillies Sweep Mets

by Jeffrey Felshman

All things slip away:
Family, friends, youth,
Beauty, love, truth,
The tide on a late summer day;
Status, position, power,
Money, security, home,
The best of intentions and least;
Strength, memory, reason,
Happiness, loneliness, life,
A seven-game lead in the National League East.

Posted 9/6/07, a week late to let the pain subside. 

Posted on

Soriano Nails the Runner at the Plate

by H.H. Schnepper

These are the saddest of possible words:

Soriano nails the runner at the plate.

His arm is so strong many coaches guessed wrong.

Soriano nails the runner at the plate.

So beware, the fleet footed, and heed the stop sign.

Soriano nails the runner at the plate.

Advance if you must but beware of the dust.

Soriano nails the runner at the plate.

Posted 8/30/07

Posted on

An Ode to Wild Bill Hagy (1938-2007)

By Stuart Shea

Wild Bill Hagy was an Orioles fan,

Looked like most any other big man,

Belly hanging low over loose blue jeans,

Full of cold beer and likewise of beans.

Back in the days ‘fore Camden Yards,

When the orange-clad O’s held all the cards,

Wild Bill Hagy was a half-crazed horse

Who pawed his ground as a cheerleading force.

He stood on the dugout during each game

And spelled out “Orioles” with his mighty frame.

Every O’s fan from near and far

Watched Wild Bill—he became a star.

The years rolled on and the O’s declined,

They left Memorial for a new state of mind.

Hagy didn’t lead cheers at the new park,

The team’s new owners didn’t like that spark.

And now he’s gone, though memories hold,

Of the glorious days of Orioles old,

Of Weaver and Murray, Palmer and Cal,

Dempsey, Roenicke, Pat Kelly, and Al.

Gimme an H!

Gimme an A!

Gimme a G!

Gimme a Y!

What’s that spell?

 

Posted 8/29/2007