Charley Horse

by Jim Siergey

With apologies to you-know-who.

John Wesley Glasscock was a man who played shortstop
He fielded with no glove upon his hand
All through the 1880s he handled many a bad hop
While up at bat rarely did he fan
‘Twas with the Cleveland Blues was this time we talk about
When a runner he did slide with such great force
His gait was compensated and his leg he could not straighten out
Johnny laughed and said he limped just like a Charley Horse
All across the telegraph this term it did resound
And no copyright infringement could they prove
Wordsmiths searched through all their nouns but no better term was found
That would ever cause this phrase to be removed.

John Glasscock began his professional baseball career in 1879 and is regarded as one of the best shortstops in history. An 1886 blurb in the Wheeling Intelligencer credits him with coining the phrase “Charley Horse” because “the way the men limped around reminded him of an old horse he once had named Charley.”

Jim says, “When I learned John’s middle name, it led me to “compose” this.”

MLB All-Disney Team

1B   Wall-E Joyner
2B   Cobra Bubbles Anderson
SS   Joe TinkerBell
3B  Luis Alicea in Wonderland

LF   Albert Belle
CF   Brer Jones
RF   Dory Dean

C   Gustavo Molina, Sebastián Rivero

LHP   Aríel Miranda, Nemo Gaines
RHP   Cinders O’Brien, Ron Darling, Milt Gaston

MGR   Hughie, Dewey and Louie Jennings

 

Eddie Collins

by Michael Ceraolo

I was one of the Clean Sox,
but that doesn’t mean I was perfect:
at the start of my career
I played professionally under an assumed name
in order to try to keep my college eligibility,
and I was a contributor to the pot gotten up
to reward Detroit for beating Boston in ’17,
something that the Dirty Sox later
tried to make out as part of a fix
Such rewarding was common at the time,
though I can see now how it could be misconstrued
I should have taken the job as Yankees manager
when it was offered to me;
I thought I was going to succeed Mr. Mack
when he retired, and that retirement would be in a few years
When that few years passed without his retiring,
I took the job with Mr. Yawkey,
and what I did and didn’t do in that job
has justifiably dimmed my reputation,
something that I now see in retrospect

The Old Man and the Suds

by Stuart Shea

Here’s something that freaks me
More than just slightly—
Bob Uecker is ninety!

At an age when few people
Are vivid or lively,
Bob Uecker is ninety!

“I must be in the front rooooow…”

 

A Pressing Issue

by James Finn Garner

Mets Can’t Wear Alternative Jerseys Because the Pants Haven’t Arrived

As the nation’l pastime seeks expanse
To pull in those who might just glance
And, intrigued, give the game a chance,
Manfred should provide some pants.

Fans in Britain, Spain and France,
With soccer frustrated perchance,
Might get all “Tinker! Evers! Chance!”
But won’t if players have no pants.

College hoops? Yeah, “The Big Dance!”
Skaters ’round Stanley’s cup prance.
Football thrills all uncles and aunts.
Baseball? They ain’t got no pants.

On-field play can be enhanced
And fortunes made through slick finance
But we might have a free “snake dance”
Unless MLB invests in pants.