by Yankee Frankovic (pen name for James Doyle)
From the 4/5/55 Cleveland Plain Dealer:
Yank pitching rook, one Johnny Kucks,
Is looking like one million Bucks
And kindly let me hear no More,
If possible, of one Herb Score.
Slanguage by Siergey #10
The Bambino’s New Clothes
by James Finn Garner
They just auctioned off the shirt
Worn by the Babe when he put the hurt
On the Cubs in the Series of ’32.
We all fall for this dippity-do
Of the “called shot”, yet
The Babe himself plumb forgot
To mention it ’til 20 years later,
Making it a stale, strange tater.
Would Cubs pitcher Root, further,
Not have wished that showboat murder
And thrown a fastball at his ear
Next time up, to local cheers?
It’s a myth, okay? A tall tale, a fable.
Just ‘cuz the sellers say they are able
To verify the jersey through “photo-match”,
And other wits say aye, the whole klatsch
Is in the end a suspicious familia,
All making bank on each other’s memorabilia.
What was true then is true now, don’t be mistaken:
There’s one born every minute, and two to take him.
Cashman Oh Cashman
by Doug K
Sung to the tune of “Matchmaker, Matchmaker”
Cashman, oh Cashman
We know Hal is rich…
Find us at last,
Someone to pitch.
Game after game
In late innings it’s blown.
So find us a clo-ser,
… of our own.
For AA…
Make him like Sparky!
For Hoss,
Wetteland’s fastball would be nice.
For me, well, I wouldn’t holler …
A Rivera-like cutter so they swing thrice!
Cashman, oh Cashman
Please go through your book
Because it is time
To give Holmes the hook.
Night after night
We cough up the lead
While you dumpster dive
… out of greed.
CASHMAN:
Fellas, I’ve found him!
Have I got a guy for you
He had thirty saves…
In 1992.
Still, he’s got good stuff. Good stuff.
So nu? He’s due.
His peripherals are amazing
All ground outs. No loft!
We’ll use him once and then…
His arm falls off.
CASHMAN:
Fellas, you’ll love this…
This closer’s been here before.
He sweats like a pig
But he throws 104.
They go straight as an arrow.
His pitches come in true.
They hit them just as fast…
So we’ll turn two!
CASHMAN:
This next one has a temper.
A clubhouse chair he’ll fight…
But only when he’s sober
So we’re alright…
Cashman, oh Cashman
You suck at your job.
Your salary, and our souls you rob.
Do us a favor and quit the team soon…
You can’t make a trade.
Can’t sign a guy.
Can’t draft at all.
Can’t win a ring!
…and take with you Aaron Boone.
This appeared first in the indispensable Yankee blog, It Is High, It Is Far, It Is ….caught.
MLB All-Onomatopoeia Team
1BÂ Â John Kruk
2BÂ Â Tick Houston
SSÂ Â Sibby Sisti
3BÂ Â Crash Davis
LFÂ Â Jim Zapp
CFÂ Â Bing Miller
RFÂ Â Buzz Boyle
CÂ Â Steve Swisher
LHPÂ Â Brian Bark, Doug Creek,
RHPÂ Â Zach Pop, Craig Dingman, Whammy Douglas, Yorman Bazardo
MGRÂ Â Dink Mothell
