“Cubs Postponed” By Danny Rockett
Tissue Issue
by Jim Siergey
Take me out to the ball game
I’ll risk my time with the crowd.
Buy me some wipes
And hand sanitizer
I don’t care
If I’m none the wiser
I’ll root root root
Thru the wash rooms
There’s toilet paper galore
And it’s one, two,
Three rolls I’ll take (out)
Cuz there’s none at the store
Astro Vespers
By James Finn Garner
Little boy settles in over the plate,
Crosses himself, crouches and waits,
Hush hush, stay quiet this time!
Jose Altuve is getting his sign.
God bless my Astros, all are great mates
To tell me what to expect at the plate.
God bless Coach Cora, and Carlos Beltran,
And God bless Gatorade for supplying the can.
Tapping the bat on the side of his cleats,
Adjusting his cup, his collar, his teats,
Hush hush, don’t say a word!
Jose Altuve’s expecting a curve.
It’s such wonderful tech that allows us to see
What the next pitch is likely to be.
God bless those geeks, whoever they be,
Of course, most of all, God bless me.
Little boy lines up the ball in his sight,
Little boy swings with all of his might!
To his reps please direct your inquiries–
Jose Altuve helped steal a World Series.
Casey @ the Bat
by Mitchell Nathanson
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Mudville nine that day;
The score stood four to two with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cooney whiffed again, the eighteenth K that night,
A sickly silence fell, for somehow baseball wasn’t right.
A straggling few got up and left, annoyed they even came;
And most who stayed were kind of drunk or wagered on the game.
Yet still to come was Casey, whom the fans had long extolled,
Though at the age of 31 the metrics deemed him old.
But first ahead of him was Flynn, a player much accursed;
His BABIP was atrocious, and his WAR was even worse.
Another guy came up as well, his name recalled by few;
Confusion sowed by double switches made in hour two.
But Flynn defied the numbers, making contact with the ball;
And sent it on a mighty arc — it caromed off the wall.
“The guy should be on third,” a salty graybeard spat and cursed,
As Flynn removed his batting gloves, a jogger still at first.
The other guy? A double by the waiver-wire addition;
(His former owner dumping salary without contrition);
And when the blaring music stopped, fans noticed what occurred,
Instead of crossing o’er the plate, young Flynn was still at third.
As Casey stepped into the box, the scoreboard roared “Make Noise!”;
The crowd most surely would’ve done, if not for all their toys.
About 5,000 hometown fans were checking in on Twitter;
So most remained oblivious to Casey as the hitter.
Ten thousand eyes were elsewhere as he scratched upon the dirt;
And Velcro-strapped his gloves and touched six places on his shirt.
And kissed his bat, then tapped the plate nine times or maybe 10;
Then from the box did Casey step, and start it all again.
The pitcher’s antics on the mound were also quite a show;
Whole seasons seemed to pass before he hinted at a throw.
Yet here it came, the cowhide sphere, arriving at great speed;
“Strike one,” the umpire firmly called. But PitchTrax disagreed. Continue reading “Casey @ the Bat”