Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by David Bellel
All my balls are packed I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside the clubhouse door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But my ERA is breakin’ far above what’s norm
The fans are hating’, they’ve caused a storm
Already I’m so lonesome I could die
So forgive me and pity me
Why oh why did you trade for me?
Forget me and this time really let me go…
‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
I hope I won’t be back again
Oh babe, I can’t wait to go
Twas the night that we clinched, and all through the house
not a creature was stirring (’cept Hunter Pence, that louse).
All the kids and the grownups at GABP
were waiting to see what the inning would be.
When up to the plate strode the mighty Jay Bruce.
And right in that moment, my mind saw the news.
The ’Stros brought a lefty, but Jay Bruce just smirked,
Stepped in to the box, and he went straight to work.
He swung the bat hard, so fast and so quick
That I knew in a moment in the stands it would stick.
He raised both his arms and he ran with a smile,
And Joy rose in Cincy that had been gone for a while.
Marty was happy, and so was son Thom.
Even Jim Day and Pic were enjoying that bomb!
The fireworks, how bright! The crowd, O how merry!
For such a great season, an appropriate cherry.
So thanks Aaron and Bronson, Brandon and Scott.
Thanks Orlando and Joey, the whole stinking lot!
And I heard them exclaim as they rode out of sight:
“Merry Clinchmas to all, and to all a Reds’ night!”
by David Bellel
Curtis Granderson joins the chorus:
I used to whiff a slew
Whenever lefties threw
Yank hearts were not carefree and gay
How could I know I’d find you
Somewhere along k-long’s way
The pitchers I used to know
Would always smile “Hello”
No sure out like my out, they’d say
Then love re-gripped my fingers
Somewhere along k-long’s way
I should forget
But with the nightmares of hit-less nights I see scary things
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along Grand Concourse Avenue
And If I stumble, I pray
That I’ll never lose you
Somewhere along k-long’s way
An ode to shuttered baseball parks. For info on Johnny Rosenblatt Stadium, please check the comments thread below.
And here’s to you, Boston’s Fenway Park,
Jesus loves you more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, windy Wrigley Field,
Heaven holds a place for those who pray.
Hey, you’re all that remain.
We’d like to know a little bit about old stadia,
We’d like to help you keep some memories.
Look around you, all you see are old angelic eyes.
Strolling hallowed grounds of New York’s Polo Grounds.
And here’s to you, Jackie Robinson,
Ebbets Field saw fans who open grew — woo, woo, woo.
God bless you please, Jackie Robinson,
Brooklyn holds a place for those who played
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.
Now so many places live where no one ever goes:
Shea, the Vet, Three Rivers and Candlestick.
It’s no shock Olympic Stadium’s no longer used.
Bigger surprise the House Ruth Built is gone now.
Coo, coo, ca-choo, all old stadia
We remember more than you will know — wo, wo, wo.
God bless you please, Houston Astrodome,
We remember Bad News Bears’ clutch play
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.
Sitting in the bleachers on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to a big late-season day game.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Ev’ry way you look at it, you lose.
Where have you gone N. C. Double A
A nation turns its hungry eyes to you — woo, woo, woo.
What’s that you say, President Myles Brand?
Rosenblatt has left and gone away!
Hey, hey, hey … hey, hey, hey.
Posted 9/7/10
by David Bellel
The moment you shoot up,
Before you put on your makeup,
I say a little prayer for you.
While Cameron combs your hair, now,
And wondering what bling to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you.
Forever, forever,
You’ll stay at 599
And I will hate you
Forever, forever,
We’ll watch your decline,
Oh, how I’ll hate you
Together, together,
That’s how it must be
We’re stuck for seven more years with you,
Truly a Yankee tragedy for we.
You can find more of David’s Yankee screeds at his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.