by Stephen Jones

Baseball’s a game of skill;
That’s what we all know.
It’s not the NFL,
Where headhunting’s bought and sold.

But what about history
and baseball’s unwritten rule?
When a batter’s tagged a pitcher twice,
What’s a hurler to do?

As a sniper with a (maybe) grudge,
Hunter Strickland thought he had the pip:
He’d aim, then fire. He’d drill Bryce Harper
Dead-on in the hip,

And as Bryce Harper later said,
“At least he wasn’t aiming at my head”
(Although some medicos might concur:
His brains are definitely not up there).

No surprise, Harper charged the mound
And gave Strickland some punches.
Strickland obliged him back, and in the end
It was like a battle of dunces.

When the smoke clears, MLB will admister
Band-Aid punishment to fit the crime:
Each will pay a chunk of change
And probably serve some time.

Just don’t expect MLB
To solve its unseen baggage.
Afterall, like in hockey,
This stuff is good green cabbage.


Published in Players, Pure doggerel, San Francisco Giants, Scandals, The Game Itself, Washington Nationals | Link to this poem | 2 Comments

Harper/Strickland: 2 Comments

  1. Jay Kenny wrote,

    Just to underscore the ridiculousness of bench-clearing brawls, I’m reminded of what former Red Sox pitcher Bill Lee said (even though his remarks were aimed at Yankees players in the middle of a brawl between the Bronx Bombers and the Fenway Feckless): “They fight like hookers swinging their purses.”

  2. James Finn Garner wrote,

    But Yankee purses tended to be much heftier back then

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