Cross-Town Rivalry

by Sheila Bernstein

A tattered scorecard,
A pennant,
An autograph or two.
For most kids that will do as a souvenir from a day at the game.
A double-header; what could be better?

This kid, two to three times the age of your average player, never had a
prayer that she would return home with such a treasure.

It was a foul ball up into the stands.
Grown men ducked, children raised their mitts aloft, but it was I who caught
the ball.

The crowd gave a cheer!

And this kid went home with her souvenir in her purse, and the Cubs beat the
Sox, so what could be worse?

The South against the North.
Oh, how that ball did soar
At this modern-day civil war.

Posted 10/9/07 

After Tinker and Evers…

By Stuart Shea

It’s been 100 years,
Since we’ve had the last dance.
After Tinker and Evers,
We had no Chance.

Gabby was silent and
Sosa splintered, corked like his bat,
Imagine that!
Santo, Jenkins, Billy, Ernie, Hack…
No series, no deposit, no return,
No going back.
100 years.
Even the great Cavaretta caved before the “curse.”
All the tears,
All the bad to worse, even before Michael Wuertz.

It is no curse of goat, owner, or drug,
No virus or flu bug,
But rather an indictment of all things Chicago,
Our own luck, our character, our fate.
Our go-go no-show ego.

47th St. to downtown,
North side to Oak Park,
Chatham, Maxwell Street.
(Remember that?)
Our culture is picked, chopped, and reaped by those in London, New York, Ibiza, Amsterdam, just like at each harvest time, when our baseball hopes disappear.

Our writers ignored, ripped off, marginalized, and shunted,
House music stolen and bastardized,
The blues Anglicized,
Our schools vandalized,
Lottery money wasted and schools go begging,
Our leaders prostituted before mobsters, construction racketeers, the hospitality industry.
We are the breadbasket of America, yet many go hungry.

Tonight, all we ask is a damn World Series.
All we want is a fair shake from God,
From baseball.
That’s all.
But the fiefdom of the game has screwed us.

Peter Ueberroth,
Commissioner en route to Presidency,
Moved our third home game to San Diego in ’84,
Licking the feet of NBC, the television robber barons.

Well, I haven’t forgotten, you lying scoundrel.
Bully. King of Creeps, factotum for self-anointed kings.
With your ambition for greater things,
Big business cudgel,
Apologist.
Forced lights on us in ’88, with
Blackmail to fans and bribes to local government,

And we were so innocent back then
To think it was just a simple question of right or wrong.
Not for long.
As not to see that it was no longer our game,
If indeed if it ever was.
Free market for owners, free agency for players,
Keep moving, folks,
Nothing free here.

So our heroes, our bought and rented men
Play for glory, applause, salary,
Because it’s their job.

Sure, they wear Chicago hats,
But they don’t live here.
Not like in the old days when players would drink with fans at Ray’s,
Dick Selma buying the house a round,
Ron Santo living off Berteau Avenue,
Glenn Beckert, too,
Ernie and Billy commuting from Chatham.
Even Dave Martinez lived in Roselle.
So what the hell.

Once again, our resources—our attention, our time, our intention, our good will, our money—go out of town.

We root, root, root not for our heroes,
But for ourselves, our egos,
Our own meager sense of worth,
Which we think will be conferred onto us by
Rich guys in pinstripe suits
Beating other rich guys in pinstripe suits,
Just like at the Stock Exchange.

Posted 10/8/07. 

O Crap

by Stu Shea

Though their legacy is royal and their ballpark always fine,
It’s been a rocky season for the Baltimore nine.
Their loudest fan passed away, the manager was fired,
And even longtime fans are getting tired.
Drug rumors dog the clubhouse; they lost 30-3;
And they’ve been no-hit by a Red Sox rookie.
One more losing year and small crowds at the park,
This franchise walks, blindfolded, in the dark.
As long as Peter Angelos renews his owner’s plates,
The devastation won’t abate.

Posted 10/4/07 

A-Riddle: Who Am I?

by Hart Seely

In spring I do well,
And in June, I excel,
All summer, my output is keen.
When colder it grows,
My uncertainty shows,
And in autumn, I’m one for fourteen.

In April I soar,
Through July, my friends score,
All summer, I’m high as the sky.
Then comes the post,
When I’m needed the most,
And in autumn, not one RBI.

I rumble through June,
And they pay me the moon,
All summer, my teammates show faith.
Then the leaves start to fall,
And my stick becomes small,
And in autumn, they bat me at eighth.

Taken from Hart’s new book, Mother Goose Goes to Washington: Nursery Rhymes for the Political Barnyard, from Simon & Schuster.

Buy it now!

Posted 10/3/07.