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4 Tampa Bay Haiku

by Gary Gillette

Tampa Bay Haiku No. 1

In God’s waiting room
The Sea hatches unholy
Bottom-feeding Rays.

Tampa Bay Haiku No. 2

Satanic rays swim
‘Round rev’nue-sharing sinkhole.
Damn Yanks; damn Red Sox.

Tampa Bay Haiku No. 3

Naimoli mantra:
Vinnie, we hardly knew ye.
Gale force storm brewing.

Tampa Bay Haiku No. 4

Even St. Peter
Could not make juice from concrete.
Bayside disaster.

Posted 4/15/08.

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Stadium Name Game

By James Finn Garner

What to name dear Wrigley Field
As history to commerce yields?

Should it be named for Ken-L Ration
To halt “dog days” for Cubbie Nation?

As ticket prices cull the rank
And file, maybe Citibank?

As young draft picks all go bust,
“Mr. Clean” might lift the dust.

Pepsi Cola? Dell Computers?
Honda Motors? Air-Wick? Hooters?

The problem’s not to name the place—
It’s how to win a pennant race.

We’ll know the team’s completely dotty
If Sweet Lou’s christened “Lou Malnati.”

Posted 4/14/08

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Say Eh, Felix Pie, Say Eh! (With Slight Apologies To Willie Mays)

by Sid Yiddish

Say eh, Felix Pie, say eh!
Does it hurt much today?

I gather it’s worse than being strapped to a totem, than to have so much publicity attached to your torsioned scrotum.
Though humbling it seems, it happened in the winter, still it’s a true calamity, for it makes men squeal like girls by boys who given them toys like diamond rings, fur coats and shiny new cars.
Be that as it may, only a scar will hide away the familiarity with the actual case; no longer will it be based on balls, nor will it be having a ball, ‘coz now it’ll be harder, not as in boner, though…

It will still be tougher saving face.

So, say eh, Felix Pie, just say eh!
Does it really hurt that much today?

Posted 4/11/08