Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
The White Sox and the Cubbies
Determined to have a battle.
Then Ozzie said that Wrigley Field
Wasn’t fit for cattle.
“It makes me puke,” he told the press,
Though he meant no disrespect.
His mouth is like a leaky faucet,
So what could you expect?
The Chicago skippers aren’t like the twins
From Lewis Carroll’s book of yore.
Ozzie yips like a hyper spaniel
While Lou just shrugs and snores.
Posted 6/16/2009
by Todd Herges
Harry Caray, a cup ‘o Bud and thou:
A day-game audience tuned to Channel 9.
With Stone up in the booth to keep it sane,
Up to the plate steps Galarraga now.
The bums in left all crowd around The Man,
Girls topped in bikinis fight to kiss his cheek.
Harry would like to do this every week
But risks abound: beer vendors in the stands.
(He can’t quite hold it like he did in youth.)
Late in the game, while drinking his last pitcher –
Though bleacher visits each time thrill the crowd –
Steve must correct his mis-call from the booth:
“Um, Harry, that was thrown from the catcher.
The Big Cat, Galarraga, just struck out.”
.
Posted 6/15/2009
by Tim Souers
I wish the Astros all of the worst.
I find myself happy when they’re not in first.
With his dancing so flirty,
I wish Jose Valverde
Caught a cleat and his ligaments burst.
Published 6/12/09
Tim Souers posts new original artwork daily at his site Cubby-Blue, and is a regular illustrator for the Cubs’ monthly Vine Line.
Posted 6/12/2009
by Jeffrey Felshman
Why should I care what happens in Queens?
What happens in Queens should stay in Queens.
I like the isle of Manhattan (you know I do),
a borough that’s lost three baseball teams.
The Mets played there for a year or two,
but then the team moved to Queens –
a place you pass through
to a place you’d rather be.
So why should I care about a team from Queens?
In Queens: travelers are served by two airports
In Queens: commuters choose subways or els
In Queens: drivers grit their teeth on the BQE
In Queens: drivers spit their bile on the LIE
Also:
In Queens: big business held a World’s Fair.
In Queens: baseball hosted three World Series.
In Queens: the locals speak of miracles.
In Queens: it’s a miracle anyone lives
in Queens.
But
When I was a kid
waiting for the train
outside Shea Stadium,
After a two-hit gem by Tom Seaver,
Backed with four hits by Cleon Jones,
A hard slide by Bud Harrelson,
A sliding catch by Tommie Agee,
Any catch by Ron Swoboda,
A clutch ribby by Art Shamsky,
then Ron Taylor in relief,
Then I didn’t want to leave
Queens.
Published 6/10/09