by Doug White
.
He once chased Aaron and Ruth
With the callow aggression of youth,
But from his head to his toes,
Just like Petey F. Rose,
McGwire won’t face up to the truth.
Posted 5/17/10
Dear Alfonso Soriano
by James Finn Garner
.
Dear Alfonso, I cannot lie.
You know I’m not that kind of guy.
For I have always had your back,
Even as you whiffed and hacked.
When you swung lumber like a mop
Or broke your foot with your little hop,
I defended you — I DID! —
Saying, “Let the kid just be a kid.”
All the rest demanded skin
But I stood by through thick and thin.
I’ve always been your biggest fan —
But don’t f#@& up like that again!
.
Posted 5/14/2010
Birdland
by David Bellel
Inspired by the Orioles’ recent home sweep of the Red Sox, the first in nearly 36 years, is a new version of “Birdland”:
In the middle of that hub
I remember one sad club
Where Bosox went to beat
Down near Sultan’s home street
Everybody flipped the bird
To a team nicknamed the Birds
Where Beantown pitchers twirled
Like the best in all the world
The records achieved there
Were beyond compare
Birdland, I’m singing
Birdland
Birdland, Old losin’ Birdland
Hey man, the O’s would really turn you on.
Really? but things have just turned around.
Down them stairs, old winners beware
Where? Down in Birdland
Booming swings, now Birds are kings
There, down in Birdland
Tejada would cook, Papi would look
Where? Down in Birdland
Ohnan came through, Nick came too.
There, down in Birdland
Papelbon got screwed, J.D. too
Where? Down in Birdland
Orioles played hard ball
Now Tremblay won’t fall
There, down in Birdland, Yeah!
David posts often at his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism. Check it out.
Posted 5/13/2010
Philly Ball Park Guard and Taser
By Hart Seely
Hot beneath the raging sun,
Running in his cheap suit blazer,
Trigger-happy with his gun,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
Rumbling like a rented van,
Aiming carefully his laser,
Firing on some hapless fan,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
Creepo at the junior prom,
Sicko wielding rusted razor,
Castro with a nuclear bomb,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
.
Posted 5/11/10
Haiku California
by Diane Firstman
To honor Hideki Matsui, this recap of the Yanks/Angels game of 4/23/10 will be presented in 5/7/5 form:
Pre-game
Yankees and Angels
First of three at The Big A
A.J., Ervin, Ks!
Bottom 1st
A.J. Burnett wild
Walks Erick Aybar on pitch
That reached the backstop
AJ then wheels and
Catches Aybar trying steal
Who needs Posada?
Bobby Abreu
Jealous of Matsui-love
Shown by former team?
Abreu doubles
He states “No walls were hurt in
making of this hit”
Next, Torii Hunter . . .
Swisher slides for liner, but
Can’t hold it, two on
Matsui lines out
But then Kendry Morales
Chops a pitch, hang time!
Mark Teixiera waits
And waits . . . and waits for it to
Come down . . . But too late
Abreu scores run
AJ gets Juan Rivera
To fly out to right
Top 2nd
Santana is sharp
Through two frames only one hit
(A-Rod line single)
Bottom 2nd
Maicer Izturis
Brings Yankees only tsuris
Singles past A-Rod
Kendrick named “Howard”?
He flies out to warning track
Burnett not fooling
Who’s Bobby Wilson?
All Angel catchers must have
Six letters in names?
Napoli is one
Mathis is another one
Who cares? Wilson Ks
Tsuris stole second
While Wilson was striking out
But Aybar ends threat
Top 3rd
Swisher pops to short
Gardner lines hit down left field
First double of year!
Jeter mirrors Brett
Dumps double down right field line
Tying game at 1
Johnson K’s, close pitch
Teix hit on elbow (again?)
Takes first base, two on
Alex rips a hit
Past Izturis, a single
Jeter scores, 2-1.
Teix now at second
Cano drives score truck, singles
Teix charges round third…