Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
BRAVES
Georgia is the world’s
Top pecan supplier. Plus
Andrelton Simmons
MARLINS
Why is a fish tank
So fascinating to watch?
Billion-dollar chum.
METS
No, it’s not a joke!
Cowgill and Valdespin are
In center field now
NATIONALS
Unnatural arm,
Unbelieveable results–
Can Strasburg stay fit?
PHILLIES
The old and infirm
Are the last to know that they
Are old and infirm
In the spring ev’ry team starts a race
For the pennant they’re each in the chase
. ‘Cept those “lovable losers”,
. Hapless glove/bat abusers,
The Cubs, never reaching first base.
Hilary Barta’s illustrations and other limericks can be found at LimerWrecks.
Everybody’s body does break down . . .
that comes with the territory . . . but
PEDs, steroids and HGH taken
in baseball, that’s an ever-long question.
Success, failure, performance on the field,
an athlete’s burden . . . bottom line and future
double-edged: Maintain home plate posture
. . . while avoiding prying exposure.
Fair or foul, the problem is difficult,
maybe like a knuckleball . . . is hard to hit
while easy to see. Our own expectations
run high, are so demanding. We expect,
perhaps media-fueled, perhaps more than
what is possible. Each record immediate . . .
is just another instance, is just another
moment arbitrarily to be broken.
Once I had a dozen brewsky
with my buddy Ted Kluszewski
Then I got completely urban
with my buddy Pedro Bourbon
Next I had a jug of rum
with my buddy big Mike Lum
But I never used the spike
with my buddy Ozark Ike.
George Bowering once served as the Parliamentary Poet Laureate of Canada, and is the author most recently of the memoir Pinboy.
HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day
LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?
OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?
SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term
TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert