Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Matt Adams, Matt Adams, how do you mash?
“I crush and I bash and I slash, so mash!”
Matt Adams, Matt Adams, you’re so gritty.
“I am that,” says the man nicknamed Big City
To minors, to minors to call up a thrower
Cards again, Cards again, find a flamethrower
To AAA, to AA, to call up an 8 or a 9.
Cards again, Cards again, not nearly so fine.
The pinstripes completed a three-game sweep
Of feather-flustered Toronto.
They extended their home winning streak
To 16 against you-know-who.
The irony so far this season?
The Yankees have done it with running,
Not their trademark long-ball slugging.
Toronto still may lead the division…
But is Toronto’s lead all bluster?
Right now, New York has its number.
It’s once again chic
To follow the Freak.
While San Diego hitters
Would probably rather be someplace like Mozambique.
Author of my talents, only You have I praised,
To Thee only shall my hands be raised.
For when I’m burdened with the weight of my team,
To my rescue You come, it will always seem.
For outstanding is my play on any given day
When You intervene and help lead the way.
Grateful to You I’ll always be
For exploiting my talents for the world to see.
For out there on the diamond before thousands of fans,
We players perform the best we can.
Perform we must both day and night,
Seeking victory with all our might.
Seeking a place with other sports greats
In the Hall of Fame where ability rates.
Where Ruth, Cobb, Robinson and the rest
Stand proudly enshrined as baseball’s best.
Excerpted from ‘An Athlete’s Prayer,’ c. 1966, by Ed Charles, major league third baseman (Kansas City Athletics, New York Mets) from 1961-69
Plays for the Reds
And not Morocco
Does Devin Mesoraco.
Has he driven a Hummer
Or just a Scirocco?
Ask Devin Mesoraco.
With a bat in his hands
Imitates Johnny Socko
Does Devin Mesoraco.