Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
The Panda, signed with Red Sox Nation,
For playoff’s payoff expectation.
Switch hits: left ain’t mighty,
But no hits as righty,
Has yet to be on-field sensation.
Giants trade for third baseman McGehee,
To succeed Panda, but he hurt his knee.
Mighty Casey lacks clout,
Better Casey strikes out
Than kill rallies with GIDP.
Four-game home streak snapped
Throwback unies didn’t work
Detroit won the game
(or A Ballad of Faux-Bravado)
With Apologies to Ray Davies, and to Chrissy Hinde
It is time for you to stop all of your Cubbing
Yes, it’s time for you to stop all of your Cubbing, oh oh oh
There’s one thing you gotta do
To make wins still come true
Gotta stop Cubbing now
Yeah, yeah, stop it, stop it
It is time for Carpenter, instead of Castro,
Yes, it’s time for Molina, and not Castillo, oh oh oh
There’s one thing you gotta do
To make wins still come true
Gotta stop Cubbing now
Yeah, yeah, stop it, stop it
Each tear that falls because of Jackson,
Ross, Lake, or Strop
And leftovers like Phil Coke…
It’s ‘cuz your Cubbing!
It is time for Lynn and Wacha, instead of Lester
Yes, it’s time for even Kozma, not Herrera, oh oh oh
There’s one thing you gotta do
To make wins still come true
Gotta stop Cubbing now
Yeah, yeah, stop it, stop it
There’s one thing you gotta do,
Trade us Bryant, and Soler, too
And there’s one thing you gotta know
We’re nervous, don’t you know
Gotta love the Cards
Yeah, yeah, start it, start it
Things don’t go better with Coke,
And Jackson will constantly choke.
Rosscup’s got a leak,
Schlitter’s a freak,
And James Russell’s sort of a joke.
Oh, the friendly confinement is great
Hot dog vendors, the vines — both first rate
But the sport has a history,
And support is a mystery
When the end of the line is, “Just wait.”