Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
With apologies to Joyce, but not Billy, Kilmer
I think that I shall never see,
A poem lovely as Yadi.
Yadi whose potent arm at rest,
Ceases the runner’s speedy best;
Yadi who chooses signs all day,
Leaving the hitter’s bats astray;
Yadi whose knees through wear and tear,
May platoon at first in late career;
Upon whose neck ink is lain;
And forearm rose he has attained.
Doggerel’s made by fools like me,
But Yadi amazes all who see.
In the shade of Freddie Gray
The empty stands sit still.
No fans to shout hooray.
No anthem sung today,
No luxury box will fill
In the shade of Freddie Gray.
On field, two teams display
Their valor, speed and skill —
But no fans shout hooray.
Sirens wail just miles away,
Dark on the pitcher’s hill
Lies the shade of Freddie Gray.
A miracle catch or play
Won’t give late inning thrill.
No fans to shout hooray.
Respect or shame? We cannot say
But we’ll remember well —
No fans to shout hooray
In the shade of Freddie Gray.
“Sanibel Joe” Pacheco is a retired New York City superintendent living on Sanibel Island, Fla. His poetry has been featured several times on National Public Radio’s Morning Edition, Latino USA and WGCU. He has performed his poetry with David Amram’s jazz quartet at the Bowery Poets Café and Cornelia Street Café in New York City.
Like the Giants, I’ve been in a funk,
Like World Champions, my stat line has stunk.
Is this start of the schnide (1)
of bunk odd-year-long ride? (2)
If it is, then this season is sunk.
“April’s the cruelest month,” poets say.
For the Giants, so far, been that way;
Lately, I’ve dealt with clown,
Wouldn’t let my dauber down,
Had last laugh on his busted squeeze play.
Choir sings that “You’ve gotta have heart,
To be champion, must play the part.
Season’s end, Who’d a-thunk
Team would overcome funk,
Have last laugh after ‘on the schnide’ start?”
PS: At home after first day off Champs get,
First-place Bums swept in tense three-game set;
Jints cut three games off lead,
As the Dodger Blue bleed.
Mattingly learns the Jints ain’t dead yet.
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(1) “The Schnide”: what Jews call a losing streak;
“On the schnide,” like the Giants last week,
Means, “Long losing streak on,”
“Off the schnide,” once they’ve won,
Comes from Yiddish, not Latin or Greek.
(2) Around here, hear this “Odd-Even” jive:
Giants’ dynasty: Three of last five.
Crowns in ‘Ten, ‘Twelve, ‘Fourteen,
Odd years “bunk: Shitty Scene”,
No playoffs, but in even years thrive.
schnide: A scoreless, hitless or winless streak. A team or player gets off the schnide when the streak is broken. (Urban Dictionary).
bunk: Shitty, Bogus, counterfeit, nonsense, meaning wack or extremely strange, originating on a low-rent island in Maine. For something to be bunk it must make you want to cry laugh hysterically or, more commonly, run for you life. (Urban Dictionary).