By Stuart Shea
What’s happening to those Brewers?
To those blue, gray, and pee-yellow Crewers?
As the Cubs make the plays,
All Milwaukee now prays
Their year doesn’t go straight down the sewers.
Filter the Umpire!
by Michael X. Ferraro
Yadi Molina was taken aback
He thought Nelson Cruz was up there to hack.
But the catcher got thrown by this request:
“Please snap a quick pic of me and Joe West.”
Nelson Cruz stopped the All-Star Game to pose for a photo with umpire Joe West
Late-breaking scouting report:
Yadi Molina: still catches, throws, hits,
But also could be the next (Annie) Liebowitz.
3 Limericks for Jose Quintana
by Jim Siergey, James Finn Garner and Hilary Barta
The Cubs having traded for “Q”
Can the faithful sit back and say “Whew”?
He’s a whiz with the rock
And maybe will shock
If he hits well leading off, too.
Is Quintana the cure for what ails
The fakakta Cubs and their fails?
He racks up the innings,
His fastball well spinning,
And he’s quite accustomed to wails.
Finally, if Kyle Schwarber had been in the blockbuster trade as rumored:
So the Cubs and the Sox make a trade
The rotation up north will upgrade
And the Hose get a bat
That can’t run ‘cuz he’s fat
We’ll see just which team has been played.
All-Star Clerihews, Part IV
Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.
Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.
Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.
Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.
Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.
All-Star Clerihews, Part III
Michael Conforto
Wrote a sad concerto
About what it really means
To play in Queens.
Corey Knebel
Cleared the table
Once in Bay View playing pool,
Which is the Wisconsin definition of cool.
DJ LaMahieu
Has bid adieu
To old self-centered habits
To start a shelter for homeless rabbits.
Justin Smoak
Almost went broke
With an investment scheme
For anti-strike-out cream.