by R. Gerry Fabian
I am sitting at the bar watching
the Braves versus Phillies game.
Second inning.
The Braves have the bases loaded,
two outs and their seventh batter,
a rookie catcher, at bat.
From out of nowhere,
a woman sits next to me.
“Can you buy me a drink?’
The Phillies’ pitcher throws
a slider, down and away.
Ball one.
I use semantics on the woman.
“If you mean do I have the money
to buy you a drink,
then yes, I do.”
The next pitch is high and tight.
The kid catcher steps out of the box
and then reenters crowding the plate.
“Okay.” The woman agrees.
“Will you buy me a drink?”
Again, I use semantic in hopes
of ending this dialogue.
“If you mean, is there a chance
that in the future
I may purchase a drink for you,
the odds are 75 – 25 in your favor,
if only to end this conversation.”
The next pitch is an outside fastball
and the kid fouls it off.
Count 2-1.
That was your pitch, I think silently.
The woman is unyielding.
“I like baseball, and I would
like you to buy me a drink.”
Count 2-2
I know the pitcher is going to throw a curve.
Hang it. I try to jinx the pitcher.
He throws a sharp breaking curve
but to my astonishment and surprise,
the kid catcher stays on the pitch
and drives it into the right center gap
for a bases-clearing double.
“Do I get my drink now?”
I decide to put an end to this
annoying invasion of privacy.
“Tell me who the greatest pitcher
of all time is and I’ll buy you a drink.”
She smiles.
“Denton True Young.”