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Holo Cow!

By James Finn Garner

Sung to the tune of “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band

Stumblin’ down on Rush Street, walkin’ pub to pub
Harry Caray was the idol of every Bleacher Bum
Started in St. Louis, but seduced the owner’s wife
Then Chisox, then the Cubbies — a checkered, blesséd life

Then MLB tries some tricks
During the “Field of Dreams”
And ghostly Harry resurrects
To gasps and chokes and screams….

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

He’s leading the seventh inning stretch, the weak of heart begin to retch
Beer gut missing around his middle, where’s the liver spots, sweat and spittle?
There’s no way to digitize a glorious mess like Harry
Please find some breathing pitchman and let the dead stay buried.

He’s been dead since ’98,
But you could never tell
Thanks, computer science,
But he never looked THIS well…

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na…

 

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Tinker/Evers/Chance

by Michael Ceraolo

We once were discrete individuals,
but after we were linked in the FPA poem,
we couldn’t be separated
We went into the Hall of Fame together
We can’t be separated even in death,
and that’s okay with us: it is much better
to be remembered together than forgotten separately.

Michael Ceraolo is a 62-year-old retired firefighter/paramedic and active poet who has two full-length books, Euclid Creek from Deep Cleveland Press and 500 Cleveland Haiku from Writing Knights Press. Two additional books are also in the pipeline:  Euclid Creek Book Two from unbound content press and Lawyers, Guns and Money from Writing Knights Press.

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Willie Kamm

By Michael Ceraolo

Walter was, by far, the greatest pitcher I ever saw,
but he could be maddening as a manager and a man
He had enough confidence in me
to name me the interim manager
when he was hospitalized briefly in ’34,
in large part because he saw me giving young players
the benefit of my experience
So I was taken aback when he got rid of me
early in the ’35 season,
saying I was undermining his authority
by giving advice to young players!
I couldn’t let stand the implication
that I had done wrong and so deserved my fate,
so I requested a hearing with Commissioner Landis
The Commissioner determined I had done nothing wrong,
but he upheld management’s right to get rid of a player
for any reason, or no reason at all,
and that was the end of my major league career

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Non-Apology Follows Non-Joke

by James Finn Garner

He doesn’t deserve any more ink
But that Yankee jagoff sure spread his stink.
Probably racist,
But whate’er the case is,
Douche is as douche does, I do think.

 

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Yankees 5, White Sox 1

by Stephen Jones

Nestor Cortes is Nasty
Even though
His high heat is barely ninety
Instead
He pitches with guile
And a mustache of style
And shows batters
He is no oddity