by Stuart Shea
It’s been a rough stretch for the Pale Hose,
A title expected by friends and foes.
The thing to do, fast,
Is to write off the past
And send off Big T for a nice doze.
How the White Sox Can Win the Division
by James Finn Garner
Change the door signs at Comiskey
Slip a mickey in his whiskey
Sew shut the legs of all his pants
Name him ambassador to France
Secure his cleats in wet cement
Arrange a honey pot with Iris DeMent
Stow him away on a flight to the moon–
Do anything! And do it soon!
Waiting for Comeuppance
by James Finn Garner
In the Midwest we’re not prone to bragging
We like socks with sandals and double-bagging
We like a 30-pack and jerky from Kasey’s
And are still suspicious of Macy’s.
We don’t get too big for our britches
Unless the subject is hot dishes.
We take our time reaching decisions
And are in no rush to win the division.
“Shoeless Joe” from Damn Yankees
From the 1994 Tony Awards:
O’ Slider Slide
by Dylan Cease
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
Past the batsman I send my slider to hide
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
Past the batsmen I send that round cowhide
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
A fortune staked on you lest I overstride
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
In the strike zone indeed a win is implied
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
The humans can’t believe my 3000 rpm and fastball ride
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
Your execution can earn you a bride
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
Even the back-up tried
O’ slider slide o’ slider slide
To the back foot of a lefty … check swing and the ump is wrong
Dylan Cease pitches for the Chicago White Sox and is a graduate of Milton High School, Milton, Ga.