Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
George Springer
Makes a humdinger
Of a Mojito
Garnished with Fritos.
Michael Brantley
Once appeared scantily
As a Chippendale dancer
Though it’s a query he won’t answer.
Blake Treinin
Takes the BART train in
To SF when the A’s don’t play–
A peripatetic citizen of the Bay.
Willson Contreras
Has never seen Paris
Nor does he care to,
Since he cannot “Parlez-vous”.
Corey Kluber
Ain’t such a goober
As to respond to missives
From Nigerian princes.
Ross Stripling
Loves his Rudyard Kipling.
After arguing with umpires,
He enjoys stories of empire.
Alex Bregman
Claims he is the Eggman,
But we all know Elvis Andrus
Is the Walroos.
Mookie Betts
Is as good as it gets
At patiently giving curves a look-see,
and also at being named Mookie.
In striking distance?
Detroit below five hundred
Yet nearing Cleveland
Pardon me for all the bitching,
But how come I get such lousy pitching?
Every year I become a mourner
For my crappy luck at the hot corner.
My other infielders are doing fine,
If you’re a fan of the Mendoza Line.
I wish I could draft all over again,
Starting with good old Ferris Fain.
George Bowering was appointed the first ever Canadian Parliamentary Poet Laureate in 2002. Author of more than 100 books, he is Professor Emeritus at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, BC.
Chief Wahoo has been shown the gate
If only 60 years too late.
When choosing mascots, show respect–
It’s easier than you’d expect.
If I were the sole decider,
I’d resurrect the “Cleveland Spiders”,
But as a nasty little schemer,
I might go with “Cleveland Steamers”.