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Fire Cats

by James Finn Garner

Somebody let the Tigers get hot
No one told Houston the plot
AJ Hinch gave his old squad a swat
Somebody let the Tigers get hot

Now Cleveland’s about to get taught
The summer games might come to naught
Somebody let the Tigers get hot

Whatever team comes down the slot
They still lose when they’ve shot their shot
Somebody let the Tigers get hot

Are these rookies aware what they’ve got?
Any need for vets they forgot
Playing with Red Bull, courage and snot
Youthful spirit means quite a lot
Call them “Tigertown Tots”
And they’ll tie your tongue in a knot
What hath the Ilitches wrought?
Somebody let the Tigers get hot.

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Baseball Parity, Chicago Parody

by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

Had the Dodgers
Lost just one more game,
This sub-600 season woulda been lame.

The winning percentage
Of most every other team,
Was surely a parity-lover’s dream.

Leaving aside the Angels, Marlins, Rockies,
And the historically bad White Sox,
All the other ballclubs had their shots.

Within sniffing distance of the wild card,
A couple of wins here and there
Woulda given your team a playoff share.

If the Mets and Tigers coulda
Advanced to the second round,
My Cubbies, too, shoulda stuck around.

Yeah, there may be MLB pair-a-tee,
But as Steve Goodman’s Dying Cubs Fans know
They still play the blues in Chi-ca-go.

Dr. Oza’s novel Double Play on the Red Line sits at the intersection of Ernie Banks’ Cubs, the Negro Leagues, riding the El, wrongful convictions, immigration and friendship. It will be published in October 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.

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Two Lims for the Tiger Battery

by James Finn Garner

After Skubal slaps, shouts and shoves,
Hinch’s lineup card says “Any of the above.”
Starters, middle, bullpen?
“Pitching chaos” is in
A squad cardiac doctors can love.

Catching young Tiger pitchers, ol’ Jake
Rogers knows what each at-bat takes.
Low and out, high and in
He has learned what will win
When he calls for a pitch, please don’t shake.

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What Passes for Excitement

by James Finn Garner

They’re getting pumped in Motown
For the torrid Wild Card race!
If they rack up division wins,
They’ll surge up to second place

Enough to struggle in October
By God’s and Minnesota’s grace,
And clear the stench of summer
Unless they fall on their whiskered face.

 

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All-Star Clerihews #1: Clerihew Resurrection

Tarik Skubal
Is always hungry for noodles.
Chow mein, soba, udon, ramen–
He just tells the waiter, “Keep it comin’!”

Garrett Crochet
Thinks those edible bouquets
Are a colossal waste.
“How much cantaloupe can one person taste?”

Seth Lugo
Reads a lot of Victor Hugo
Daydreaming of an understudy job
With “Les Misérables.”

Shōta Imanaga
Loves the generosity of Chicaga.
He never has to scrounge
To pay for a beer at the Nisei Lounge.