Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Byron Buxton
Through his awesome powers of deduction
Has determined the murderer of Lord McBroom
Is someone in this room!
Luis Arraez
Is not one to compromise.
If it’s not Johnnie Walker Black,
He sends it back.
Joe Musgrove
Is an ace with the cookstove.
He takes sausage and flapjacks
To the max.
Miguel Cabrera
Is the finest hitter of his era
And a real joy to watch play —
I have nothing snarky to say.
Gregory Soto
Swears like a mofo
When he misses with that strike,
Let’s hope he’s not miked.
Nelson Cruz
Has paid his dues
A better batter in his fifth decade
He’ll go straight from the trainer’s room to Medicaid.
Marcus Semien
Is an infield chameleon
He currently looks great in Blue
Could easily switch to Cardinal or Red, too.
Yusei Kikuchi
Would like to send a smoochie
To his mom and dad in Japan
And all the Saitama Seibu Lions fans.
Had Donaldson not lost his cool
Kicking dirt like an absolute tool
He’d be there to toss
Abreu out for a loss–
Instead Sox grab the playoff spot jewel.
A pop-up Dave Kingman once popped
Was a feat no one since then has topped
In the ‘Dome, hit so high
Through a hole toward the sky
That today there’s no sign it has stopped.
__________________
Hilary explains: “It was 26 years ago when one of quirkiest moments in Metrodome history occurred. Oakland’s Dave Kingman — one of baseball’s all-time feast-or-famine hackers — hit a pop-up off left-hander Frank Viola that was so high that it went through a hole in the roof of the Dome and never came down.”
Title by Sky-High Jim Siergey.
I watched the Yankees-Twins series:
it was a moment in time, a hitting fest,
no holes in either offense,
two heavyweights waiting for the last punch,
and the pitchers, alone on “the bump”,
thin figures tossing balls at batting practice.