By James Finn Garner
Since when do prospects travel to Miami?
Is it global warming’s fault?
As the Twins try to keep the fires going in the fall
For an “OctoBOMBA Surprise”
They’ll need Romo to be on fire
To keep the frost off the bullpen.
All-Star Clerihews
Jose Abreu
DJ LaMahieu
And Hyun-Jin Ryu
Are my first triple-header All-Star clerihew!
Ketel Marte
Is a portable partay!
He’ll enjoy your booze
Whatever brand of vodka you choose
Jake Odorizzi
Better take it easy
And resist all that’s there to seduce and shock
On Cleveland’s red-light block.
Paul DeJong
Wears a lucky spangled thong
When the Cards are on a winning streak–
That guy’s a SuperFreak!
Twin Drivel
by James Finn Garner
If the Bomba Twins
Keep racking up wins,
The new White Sox
Can be wrapped back in their box,
Detroit’s Bengals
Must study new angles,
The rebuild in Cleveland
Will move from “expected” to “real” and
Kansas City
Can just keep being shitty.
A Clerihew For Killebrew
by Michael X. Ferraro
Harmon Killebrew
thought that he’d eschew
the art of the sacrifice bunt.
He’s a touchdown guy, so why punt?
Applause, Please, for the Retirees
by James Finn Garner
As the season ends and the playoffs loom,
Let us pause a sec and make some room
In our doggerel feed for those athletes
Who’re hanging up mitts and jocks and cleats.
The Jints will miss ol’ Hunter Pence
Of flaming beard and glare intense.
After so many seasons, Bartolo Colon
Will finally get to shower alone.
Minnesotans, pray to your higher power
For another guy even close to Mauer.
Now David Wright, Mets’ grand old man,
Will have to watch them choke from the stands.
With the Angels’ collapse, Mike Scioscia
Might do well inspecting for OSHA.
Chase Utley being out of the game
Frees me from trying to rhyme his name.
And with no regrets, let’s bid adieu
And good riddance to Chief Wahoo.