Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
A Bardball exclusive, originally created by Stuart Shea
ORIOLES
Reduce reuse rebuild
If prospects were wishes
They’d have a parade
RED SOX
Get us a ring, Chaim
Also below the tax cap
Beat the Yanks too, ‘kay?
YANKEES
Last year’s injured list
Now a memory–Ooops!
Judge sidelined again.
RAYS
D’Arnaud, Garcia
Are off to greener pastures
They still grow talent.
BLUE JAYS
Twenty-one hurlers
Keep switching battery out
Of blue muscle car.
Every day is Gleyber Day
when the Yankees play the O’s.
Torres is on a homer
spree against those hapless foes.
The Baltimore play-by-play
man, beleaguered Gary Thorne,
calls out each successive blast
with a blend of awe and scorn.
His cries are existential,
and his puzzlement profound
as 13 times this season
the young Bomber’s trotted ‘round.
Colleagues come to heckle Thorne
in a breach of protocol,
but what can you say on Gleyber
Day, except… “Touch ’em all!”
https://www.mlb.com/cut4/gleyber-torres-homers-vs-orioles-announcers-laugh
Yankees sweep Red Sox
A “savage” broom in the Bronx
Baltimore is next
Where is he going?
He’s a difference maker
Manny Machado
When wintry winds cause batsmen
All to whiff and to wail,
They’re laughed off by a moundsman
Whose name is Rich Gale.
While batters may wish it were dry
And comfortably warm,
The winds won’t bother a Davis
With a first name like Storm.
When the field becomes mired
In a swampy wet bog
And the sky is grayed o’er,
Make the call to Josh Fogg.
If the weather gets so bad
Fans all need to take cover,
You need a staff with Jim Coates
And, of course, Gary Glover.