Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
The American League East
Is a fratricidal beast.
It seems no team alone
Is sure to take the throne.
Instead, each league brother
Goes after one another.
I may be no betting man,
But I can see a future-scan:
It may just end up being,
After all the smoke is clearing,
That on a September morning
It will be the “last team standing.”
BLUE JAYS
Like other Canucks,
Jays fly south to Florida
But must return soon.
ORIOLES
“Is his knee healed up?”
What about the pitching? The–
“Is his knee healed up?”
RAYS
Wil Myers lead off?
Wil he be a new Joe D?
Wil success spoil him?
RED SOX
A bee swarm hovers,
Scaring off the ballplayers.
Nature owns nature.
YANKEES
The old men dream on,
Echoes of glory cascade
In crisp March sunshine.
What th’ — BOSTON won the East?
Soaring up to best from least?
The experts’ toe tags read “Deceased”
But New York’s competitiveness ceased,
Baltimore’s upward path was greased.
Bet big on the Jays? You’re fleeced.
Of seafood the Carmines made a feast,
Muzzling that Tampa beast.
My faith is shaken — oh, call a priest!
I can’t believe they won the East!
There is no joy in Bro-hio
As Tribe and Reds are shown the door.
Both teams vying for the Wild Card
But reality hit ’em good and hard.
The Rays, always, a resourceful crew,
And Pittsburgh, you must admit, is due.
An I-71 Series is just a dream
If Dusty Baker helms your team.
With Nick Swisher on the roster,
October glory is hard to foster.
Next March it all begins anew
When balls start smacking into Chin-Soo Choo.
Stealing a base involves taking a chance.
Even more so when you’re not wearing pants.
Tampa’s half-streaker probably reckoned,
“Low wind resistance’ll help me nab second.”
But security met him at the bag,
throwing him out with an intimate tag.
Michael X. Ferraro is the author of Tased & Amused: A Poetic Recap of the 2010 MLB Season, which recounts such harrowing fan tales as an on-field tasering and a case of intentional regurgitation.
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