Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Some players are known for their spit
Far fewer for something they writ
This unusual bat
Should have its own stat
And with it the guy got a hit!
Toronto’s Ernie Clement comes prepared for class against the Cubs on August 16, 2024, Players Appreciation Day.
(for Roy Halladay, 1977-2017)
how are you doing
wherever you ended up?
do you still fly above as your son follows in your footsteps
waving at him every so often?
did you ever see your own plaque at our mecca?
maybe you do, but then again
we as fans project our hopes and hard-owned money onto our faves
is it any surprise when we discover they have a daredevil on their shoulder instead of a chip
to motivate their game?
Ollie Shane is the author of the chapbook I Do It So It Feels Like Hell (Bottlecap Press, 2022) and the forthcoming full-length notes from the void (Wild Ink Publishing, 2025). He is also a second-generation Philadelphia Phillies fan all thanks to his beloved grandfather, Vince Tassoni.
Your favorite athletes move from team to team
The hitters, hurlers, fielders all chase bucks
Old-time fan loyalty is but a dream
As players drive their wealth away in trucks
Free agents’ names and faces give no clue
So raise your voice for the best color scheme
Choose purple, crimson, orange, green or blue
Urge on your favorite sports apparel theme
Or pick the mascot that’s most bold and fierce
The one inclined to slash and slice and slay
With jaws that chomp and bloody claws that pierce
My Tiger dines on fricasseed Blue Jay
What’s more, our park serves only the best ale
No better motive could there be to cheer
And though our squad may flounder, flop and fail
Hip hip hooray! Let’s hear it for our beer!
When you select the club that you’ll support
The nine athletes for whom you’ll choose to root
Ignore the friendly confines of the sport
And contemplate the price in hard-earned loot
The cost is high each time you disembark
So back the team that charges less to park
Tom’s collection of comic verse, Get the Hell to Work, was published by Kelsay Books in 2020.Â
Jays fans boo Shohei
who promptly belts a dinger
Boo that, knuckleheads
Baltimore Orioles
July: Orioles
Will refuse to migrate south,
Seeking fall colors.
Boston Red Sox
Yes, every franchise
Is an Evil Empire now.
Game is in its Fall.
New York Yankees
Can the potential
Of overpowering bats
Overpower their age?
Tampa Bay Rays
Lesson of the old:
It takes a genius chef to
Make soup out of straw.
Toronto Blue Jays
An exhaustive search!
Team’s new radio guy is
The TV guy’s son.