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AL West 2023 Spring Training Forecast Haiku

by Stuart Shea

Houston Astros
Crass-tros, Disas-stros,
Even Garbage-can-smash-stros—
They’re still really good.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Orange County, California
It’s always Disney,
To us, anyway…but now,
No longer Showtime.

Oakland Athletics
Neither here nor there—
Big change only bothers those
Who are not in charge.

Seattle Mariners
Young, strong arms, spring’s joy.
Will Gilbert, Kirby, Miller
Get a “Woo Woo Woo”?

Texas Rangers
Now that we all know
About your autumn harvest,
You’d better watch yourself!

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Au Revoir, Dusty

Au revoir, Dusty
In you did we trusty
Smart, passionate, steady
Toothpick at the ready
Giant, Astro, Dodger, Cub
You always improved a club
You have nothing more to prove
And lots of grandchildren to love
Raise a glass of Baker Wine
And celebrate the good times.

 

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Houston: Lost at Home

by Rajesh C. Oza

In 2019, playing baseball’s cheaters,
The Nats won the Series on the road.
Still tagged as the sport’s deadbeaters,
The Astros carried the warts of a toad.

In 2023, with Bochy managing heroic,
The Rangers won at Minute Maid.
With Dusty chewing on a toothpick,
The Astros prayed and flayed.

Sure, they have 2017 and 2022,
But 2017 was banged on a trash can,
And 2022 was too good to be true,
For a team that warranted a ban.

Stealing signs left the ‘Stros stained
And unable to win at home.
Perhaps they should’ve remained
Hapless but honest in the Dome.

George Carlin famously suggested,
“In baseball the object is to go home.”
But when your Series ring is contested,
You are banished to aimlessly roam.

 

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An Ode to Leody

by James Finn Garner

A master thief is Leody Tavares
Stealing home runs from over tall fences
Think one is long gone?
Oh hun, you’d be wrong
He’s the David Niven of Texas’ defenses.