Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Adam Wainwright
Played the “unwritten rules” right,
Grooved the Captain a pitch to hit,
Then found himself in a world of trouble.
Miguel Cabrera
The greatest hitter of our era.
Pitch the pill behind his back
And still he’ll give that ball a whack.
Mike Trout
Didn’t hit one out,
But a double and a triple
Ain’t kibble.
Ask Iannetta and Kole Calhoun;
he will not forgive your trespasses.
Stick to one base or you’ll get erased
by the A’s Yoenis Cespedes.
The Oakland left fielder gunned down two runners at home plate in the second inning of Oakland’s 11-3 victory over the Angels on Saturday, May 31st.
ASTROS
An Appel a day
Would keep the losses away
But he’s not yet ripe.
ANGELS
Ask A. Moreno–
Trout fishing in Cali
Can be expensive.
ATHLETICS
Free and well-favored,
No-names and others’ castoffs
Find their own success.
MARINERS
East coast import
Finds rain not to his liking
Even under roof.
RANGERS
Wash likes sac bunting.
His fellow skippers are glad
To accept the out.
Baseball in August creates many jobs
for travel agents and typesetting slobs.
Rehab assignments, Triple A spot starts,
Pennant aspirants shopping for spare parts.
Roster gods move in mysterious ways–
David DeJesus, three teams in five days?
Colin Cowgill’s grin, Billy Buckner’s frown.
Holy Toledo, Phil Coke’s been sent down!
Some guys can’t clear waivers; others released,
Plus one salary dump in the NL East.
(The Mets helped Pittsburgh in a deal most absurd—
Just tossed them a Buck and flipped them a Byrd.)
Eduardo Sanchez, gone from the big club.
But Ma Arrieta, Jake’s now a Cub!
Brad Boxberger sighs, packs for the bushes.
John Axford heads where the playoff push is.
Contenders reload, pretenders cut bait.
Hey Tuffy Goseswisch, Reno’s your fate.
Jose Constanza the Braves did recall,
with hopes that he’ll help them deep into Fall.
Philly’s less Savery—no Joe in the bigs;
Report sir, at once, to the Iron Pigs.
Ross Wolf’s been optioned to Round Rock Express,
while the Dodgers scooped up Edinson Volquez.
One-line transactions, a queer kind of fame.
Vic Black, you’ve become “Player To Be Named.”
Xavier Avery’s now a Rainier,
maybe Seattle, he’ll see you next year?
Michael X. Ferraro is a writer/producer/lyricist who scans the fine print daily to make sure he hasn’t been outrighted to Lehigh Valley.
Kuroda doesn’t speak much,
his pitching does. He translates
well enough on the mound.
Right now, if words do sound,
he’s Cy Young material,
not by boost – just plain factual.