By James Finn Garner
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Because a hitter’s supposed to get hits,
Lou called Miltie a big piece of shit.
With a new gig in Seattle,
Milt’s still fighting old battles,
Showing the world that this shoe still fits.
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Posted 3/10/2010
A-Rod Haiku
by Anthony Salazar
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Pay-Rod left our town
To seek fame and great fortune
Pity his poor choices
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Published 8/27/09
AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST 2009 HAIKU FORECASTS
By Stuart Shea
ANGELS
Without its K-Rod,
Sun-dappled Orange County
Prepares for a fight.
ATHLETICS
Green-and-gold adorned
Athletes play in stadia
Named for software.
RANGERS
In football country,
The titans of summer’s game
Proceed unnoticed.
MARINERS
Tho Junior returns,
Creaky knees and failing sight,
The M’s will blow chunks.
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Posted 4/3/09
Willie, McLaren, and John
By Stuart Shea
Has anybody seen my old pal Willie?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
The Mets are playing badly, and that surely was not planned.
I turned around and he’s canned.
Anybody here seen John McLaren?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
Even the rats are deserting Seattle’s ship.
And hiring Jim Riggleman ain’t that hip.
Can anybody here find my friend John Gibbons?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
His GM is a lunatic, and the Jays look awfully tired.
He might be happy to be fired.
Anybody here know who’ll be next dismissed?
Open season on the skippers.
Is it Buddy Black, or Eric Wedge, or maybe Cecil Cooper
Whose career’s going down the pooper?
Posted 6/20/08
2008 AMERICAN LEAGUE THREE-LINE TEAM PREVIEWS
BALTIMORE
Is it too late to call Cal?
Or even Bob Bonner?
With Hernandez or Fahey, the season’s a goner.
BOSTON
The pitching staff is shot to hell.
With Schilling, Beckett, and Colon unwell,
They’re Dice-rolling at the opening bell.
CHICAGO
Will the Sox get greedy
With Crede?
Watch your back, Ozzie—or, rather, watch Joe’s.
CLEVELAND
It’s time for the talent to show.
And with any luck (please, God)…
Maybe a new logo?
DETROIT
No injury worries—not even a tinge!
When any Tiger feels a twinge,
They’ll call on Brandon Inge.
KANSAS CITY
Tote that Bale, lift that Gload,
Another long year in KC?
Or a renaissance? These kids are beginning to be.
LOS ANGELES
K-Rod,
And Vlad the Impaler,
And a bunch of young pitchers hopping out of a trailer.
MINNESOTA
No cash for Johan or Torii,
But there’s money for Nathan—within reason—
Though he pitches just 70 innings a season.
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND
The Yankees won’t listen to reason!!
They’ll pull out their Wang
To open the season!!
OAKLAND
What’s that sound from the Street?
Is it Foulke music so sweet?
Oh, it’s Rich Harden’s shoulder, grinding like meat.
SEATTLE
Half the team has reached the big three-oh,
And aside from Ichiro,
There’s a lot of “don’t know.”
TAMPA BAY
They sent Longoria to Triple-A
To reduce his service time? Feh!
This franchise is still the pride of Mephistofele.
TEXAS
Trouble children, like Bradley and Hamilton,
And a pitching staff
Of no wheat and all chaff.
TORONTO
Toronto has Coats.
Maybe they’ll avoid
A cold April.
Posted 3/31/08