Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Jamie Moyer, long of tooth,
Nabs a win at 49.
Never pitched to ol’ Babe Ruth
But babysat him one time.
Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.
The Northwest, known for its lumber,
Was at a loss to figure Phil Humber
Who deftly dialed the M’s number
In shadows, sun and penumber.
Could Starbucks have ended their slumber?
No matter, their bats were encumbered
In a masterpiece, shaded in umber,
The perfecto for new ace, Phil Humber
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“They might break even
if the young pitching improves.”
We’ve heard this before.
BOSTON RED SOX
After a tough loss
the new manager searches
for false-nose glasses
SEATTLE MARINERS
Jesus can create
a feast from loaves and fishes,
but Jesus can’t catch.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
With steroids now banned
normal aging will resume.
The cliff draws near.
DETROIT TIGERS
Trying to play third
when first base is a stretch could
drive a man to drink.
LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.
SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third
TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds
How hollow it seems
that the opening game
of the season was in Japan
The market deemed,
baseball explained,
it’s now international pastime
Yes, “changing times”
& “good for the game”
are the general conclusion
However the explanation
what’s missed is tradition
opening day at home field