by Fred Lovato
Rangers’ Garcia
belts 11th inning solo shot
baseball immortal
Houston: Lost at Home
by Rajesh C. Oza
In 2019, playing baseball’s cheaters,
The Nats won the Series on the road.
Still tagged as the sport’s deadbeaters,
The Astros carried the warts of a toad.
In 2023, with Bochy managing heroic,
The Rangers won at Minute Maid.
With Dusty chewing on a toothpick,
The Astros prayed and flayed.
Sure, they have 2017 and 2022,
But 2017 was banged on a trash can,
And 2022 was too good to be true,
For a team that warranted a ban.
Stealing signs left the ‘Stros stained
And unable to win at home.
Perhaps they should’ve remained
Hapless but honest in the Dome.
George Carlin famously suggested,
“In baseball the object is to go home.”
But when your Series ring is contested,
You are banished to aimlessly roam.
Handy Rangers Reference Guide
By James Finn Garner
To earn Bochy another trophy:
$how Corey Seager that you’re eager
Give Semien a couple extra million
Grow l’esprit of Garcia
Give up da funk for Jung
Pray Mad Max can still stack
Then parry with Montgomery
And stay out of the bullpen
whenever you can.
Battle on the Brazos
By James Finn Garner
A shootout between Rangers and ‘Stros
Is a beaut for old Texas foes.
Is Scherzer all right?
Is it St. Crispin’s Night?
Which squad will become Texas Toast?
An Ode to Leody
by James Finn Garner
A master thief is Leody Tavares
Stealing home runs from over tall fences
Think one is long gone?
Oh hun, you’d be wrong
He’s the David Niven of Texas’ defenses.