NL Player of the Week

By Greg Simetz

A 29-year-old rook
Claimed off waiver’s wire
Has been tearing up pitchers
Setting Wrigley afire.

With the old-time name Frank
That sounds under-powered
He’s been putting up numbers
Like Franks Robinson and Howard.

Be it a game-winning slam
That set fans a-tingle
Or a headfirst slide into first
With a bizarre walk-off single.

He’s a real life Crash Davis
The longshot who paid
Taking out some of the sting
From Hoyer’s heartbreaking trades.

And though this year’s Cubs team
Will not win a ring
You can count on Schwindel
And his mighty sweet schwing!

 

The Newest Sad Lexicon

by James Finn Garner

I know three reasons Wrigleyville’s crying
And why for season tix no one’s applying
Character sells, sure, but who’s buying?

.     Rizzo and Baez and Bryant

Losing El Mago, our greatest since Whizzo,
Has driven some fans on the borderline schizo,
Hiding their heartache by cranking up Lizzo

.     Baez and Bryant and Rizzo

Watching a hoped-for dynasty die is
Bringing a tear to each diehard’s eye, as
The White Sox look to dominate Chi —

.     Bryant and Rizzo and Baez

 

Schwarbombs Away!

by Hilary Barta

Kyle Schwarber is not a Gold Glover
By candy machines he will hover
But when he connects
The baseball he wrecks
With power to knock off the cover.