Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Is Starlin out tonight?
Is his future cloudy or bright?
Cubs think that he’s way overdue
Fans’ hopes are all high
They see that pie in the sky
Cubs like Baez and Russell, too
We all know the choice is a hard one
Shortstop’s a crowded avenue
He’s still here, some ask “Why?”
His batting average once was high
But now it’s disappearing from view
And Joe doesn’t have eyes for you
So, is Starlin out tonight?
Will Adam or Javy be right?
Will he no longer wear Cubbie Blue?
On a pitcher, the game makes demands
On his shoulders a weight sometimes lands
When tossing to first
Jon Lester could burst
But instead throws the ball in the stands.
Now the dog days of summer are here,
When the sun’s heat is hottest all year.
Risin’ on horizon,
Dog Star near Orion
Adds its own heat as it hovers near.
Now the dog days of summer are here,
Jints’ two hottest road trips this year,
Texas, then Chicago,
Post-Atlanta, they go;
Home, then St. Louis, Pittsburgh appear.
During Dog Days it’s brutally clear,
These two trips can define Giants’ year;
If they wish to repeat,
Have to deal with the heat
To end month in first place, at least near.
Just as Truman’s election made clear,
Dog Days’ trips can define one’s whole year.
Jints, like Harry, repeat
‘Cause they can stand the heat,
And like champions will persevere.
What the heck rhymes with Kyle Schwarber?
Well, ’60s jazzer Alan Lorber,
And that dancing Greek named Zorber,
And folk singer Steve Forber(t),
And . . .
And . . .
I’m at the bottom of the pail,
And I don’t want him to fail . . .
But his name is odd, I fear,
So he may not have many poems here.