Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
All night in my bedroom I tossed,
Excited a line has been crossed.
Although dazed and confused
And half-crazed, I’m excused:
The Cubbies have won more than lost.
Hilary Barta draws for Sponge-Bob and Garbage Pail Kids comix, and also runs the noir limerick site LimerWrecks.
When Andy Coakley, traded to the Cubs
in time for ’08’s crazy pennant race,
received one of the pettiest of snubs
and didn’t get World Series dough, the case
of Coakley v. the Cubs went to the courts.
He knew he didn’t rate a full share, but
he thought he should get something. But all sorts
of calumnies got thrown into his gut.
“He’s so ungrateful,” said the press. “He should
be booted out.” And so he spent his prime
in outlaw leagues. His arm was just no good
by when he made it back to the big time.
When Coakley got the shafting from his team,
free agency was still a distant dream.
The Indians stunk out the joint,
and the Cubs converted the extra point.
I remember 1945, the Cubs were really alive.
We wanted their back; we had at third base Stan Hack.
They could win without a Beretta,
Because they had Phil Cavarretta.
The team was really in trim
With the direction of our Charlie Grimm.
His leadership harbored no folly,
And yet he was called “Jolly Cholly.”
The team was U.S. and not Tory,
And here was a star–Peanuts Lowrey.
They put on their caps, yelled, “Let’s go!”
And to center field ran Andy Pafko,
To bet on the games was light sin,
But not so light was Bill Nicholson.
Another came not from Wisconsin,
But he played second base: Don Johnson.
His arm could pitch a great throwie–
Of course we mean our Hank Borowy.
Another pitcher quite trim
Was quick-on-the-field Ray Prim.
Micky Livingston was a skilled catcher.
And many bad pitch he would snatch ‘er.
But Lenny Merullo at shortstop,
Many thought was a truly bad flop.
And so I close my Cubs story.
In telling it I seek no glory.
So let the chips fall where they may;
Wait, a foul, get out of the way!
Read poems of two teams, each known for schneid,
Longest streaks Series’ titles denied,
Longest droughts in each league,
Chi Cubs North Siders dig,
Lou “The Toe” kicked-in Indians’ pride.
Windy City’s long-time N.L. pride,
Most fans know Cubs have worst Series schneid,
‘Oh-eight year Cubs last won,
T.R. refused to run.
Cleveland’s last: post three years Cubs last tried.
‘Forty-eight: Last time Tribe had Right Stuff.
Indians, in my lifetime, all bluff.
Finished thrice A.L. first,
Series lost, fans’ dream burst.
To keep faith must be mentally tough.
Rooting for Cleveland teams makes fans frown,
Fifty years have passed by since last crown;
Town last won title game
The year “A Man I Became.”
‘Sixty-four: Browns won running Jim Brown.
Cleveland Browns quite a curious case.
Two leagues first score years, eight times win race.
Rocky, Brown, Browns leave town,
Then LeBron lets Cavs down.
Browns reborn, best, Le Bron’s back right place.