Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
There’s the ball for a buck they call “money”
On the cheap it buys clover and honey
. Then there’s Yankee outspending
. Which can bank happy ending(s)
What the Cubs buy just sucks and ain’t funny
The long-suffering Hilary Barta blogs limericks every day at his site LimerWrecks.
In the spring ev’ry team starts a race
For the pennant they’re each in the chase
. ‘Cept those “lovable losers”,
. Hapless glove/bat abusers,
The Cubs, never reaching first base.
Hilary Barta’s illustrations and other limericks can be found at LimerWrecks.
I’m Jeff Baker, and I’ve got a role
Hitting left-handers is what I do.
Plug me into any old hole,
And I’ll hit .300–but field that, too.
Try me at third, or left, or right,
My glove is decent but I don’t move well.
My bat drags heavy, though my salary’s light,
And I wish that I had more to sell.
But hitting those southpaws gets me a gig–
I’ve already graced three teams this year!
With a bit more skill, my salary would be big,
But sometimes I’m just glad to be here.
CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.
CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.
HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.
The Hall of Fame’s honor and riches
Ron Santo deserved without pitches.
. But denied for too long
. Was the man’s well-earned song
By an old bunch of sons of bitches.
.
Ron’s a hero to folks diabetic
‘Cause on the field he was super-kinetic
. Whether diving for balls
. Or arguing calls
Or clicking his heels so aesthetic