Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
I know three reasons Wrigleyville’s crying
And why for season tix no one’s applying
Character sells, sure, but who’s buying?
.   Rizzo and Baez and Bryant
Losing El Mago, our greatest since Whizzo,
Has driven some fans on the borderline schizo,
Hiding their heartache by cranking up Lizzo
.   Baez and Bryant and Rizzo
Watching a hoped-for dynasty die is
Bringing a tear to each diehard’s eye, as
The White Sox look to dominate Chi —
.   Bryant and Rizzo and Baez
Kyle Schwarber is not a Gold Glover
By candy machines he will hover
But when he connects
The baseball he wrecks
With power to knock off the cover.
With full throat we
Sing of David Bote
Howl of a coyote
History-making rookie
Not a Don Quixote
Tweaked the devil’s goatee
Gave that ball a pokey
Became the Cubs’ new homey
Cow /kou/ n (Old English), see holy
For Cubbies he played out in right
And clobbered home runs out of sight
They say he was juiced
But, hey, what the deuce?
Whatever he took turned him white!
Sartorial mack daddy Morrow
Tore up his back, to Cub sorrow.
To protect the soft tissue
An edict’s been issued:
The team is “Kilts Only” starting tomorrow.